It's no wonder..

I know that should have taken more care with my friendships. I look back and reflected, and noticed that I DID push them away or kept them at arm's length. They asked to come to my place, invited me to their birthdays, their mom's birthdays, beach, trips, etc.. I did come at times.. But at other times, that are equally important, I did a not-so-friendly thing, and made up excuses not to go.. Granted, I suffer from anxiety, and some depressing thoughts. Have inconsistent sleep and eating patterns, complicated personal life.. but I do regret that I let my personal issues make me not take care more of my previous friendships. Maybe it's because I put on a mask and make it seem like everything is fine, but on the inside, I was struggling.. Maybe I could have opened up to them because they were good people, instead of pushing them away.. It's not like I made enemies or anything, but I do no have consistent contact with them anymore, although we are still friends on social media, and they would like my posts, but really if I coud turn back time, I would have cherished them more, and maintained our closeness. But I do hope all is well with them..