My friends aren't enough

I only have 2 friends. I feel insane because instead of doing work, I have been obsessively posting about this since I woke up with morning, but here we go again- they used to be what kept my head above the water, but now I feel like I'm drowning and both of them have abandoned me in the worst ways possible. They used to help keep my passion for art and writing alive by writing and creating art too and talking about these interests with me and we would create stuff together and it felt special and I loved bonding with them. All throughout grade school and into college- I survived because they helped keep my passions alive. Even when I moved several times, even when we were in different states- I still felt loved and properly supported. They supported me through college depression, eating disorder recovery, struggling with self-harm and alcohol abuse and then- I realized they no longer bonded with me through art and writing. It was like they gave no *** about the only two things that actually made life for me worth living. It was like I finally came out of this horrible traumatic time and instead of finding light on the other side if the tunnel, I find nothing at all. Without their support for my interests, I have no interests. Nothing seems to matter anymore. I've tried connecting with local artists and writers but it's like I just hate people now and I can't connect. I can't make my two friends do things that they don't want to do, but now I feel so lost and lonely. I feel like I've finally lost myself and I don't know how to improve my friendships so I don't feel dread when I hang out with them. Everything just feels so broken.