Resentment From Former Friendship

How do I get over resentment?

If you’ve seen my last posts, you may know about my ongoing conflict with former online friend named Orange.

To catch everyone up, my last post was me asking him to leave me alone after repeatedly trying to reach out to me in numerous mutual friend spaces and in my message I even stated that Orange made me uncomfortable and feel extremely disrespected and all he responded with is ‘Alright.’

Since then, I’ve been incredibly more annoyed at him. It would be unfair to tell him to leave mutual friend servers but it is annoying seeing how much more he’s active there (and additionally, I am a little jealous(?) people praise him for stuff he’s made in the game.)

It’s times like these that I can’t help but feel weird about it all. The feeling is ‘Don’t get me wrong, I’d like to be friends again but why would you treat me like that?’.

One thing to be known is Orange is almost painfully unaware and usually when you tell him about actions like this, his first thought is jumping to self-loathing rather than apologizing or finding a way to fix the problem which makes discussing ANYTHING with him. A mutual friend of ours, Lemon is aware of our conflict and also agrees he does a lot of self loathing. 

I know the easy solution anyone would say is: ‘Why don’t you just talk to him?’ 

I did. Four times. And each time, he would promise to change only for it to be temporary or not change at all. ***, the last time it failed, I blocked him and only then is really when he wanted to start changing.

And now (or after I first blocked him)when I’m the one waiting for him to reach out instead of me, he dances around the issue and kept trying to act buddy-Buddy.

I know it’s a bad idea to wait for him to reach out instead of me but clearly something isn’t working if I did it the FOUR TIMES only for nothing to change.

The worst part is seeing our mutual friends continue to be nice to him or praise him. The only one who knows of the (semi) full conflict is Lemon so I know I can’t be too annoyed with them but part of me can’t help but feel betrayed by them in a way.

Worst part? I don’t want to tell them as to not spread drama in our friend group.

Edit: To add on even if I DO forgive him, I don’t know if I’ll ever get over my anger/jealously of the campaign that started this whole mess.

Im not sure if I need advice or just want someone to listen but either one would be appreciated. If you need more context, let me know in the comments.