Weird friendship
I (18F) have gone through friendship breakup this year.
Long story short I was in a friend group where a girl didn't like me she started saying *** about me (it wasn't overly mean though). Unfortunately she also tried to exclude me from the group but don't want to admit it. Each time there were a hang out planned she said that she wasn't coming if I came. So nobody invited me, people in the groups were really closer to her than me. I never did anything wrong to that girl despite her talking harshly to my mother for exemple. She also planned to not invite me to her birthday it hurted me i didnt say anything but invited her to mine and she asked me why i did that. It was to not have problems and because she hurted me when she didnt invite me. She then proceed to lie and say she thought i wanted to hit her because of a *** republication that said "I should have it her in the face". That *** was posted after i learned what she was doing. She just tried to do the victim and make me guilty or other people of the situation telling people were distorting what she said. The thing is people allowed her to do so. I have close friends in that friend group no one defended me or just went to tell me what was happening and that hurt me a lot. I have discussed the situation with my closest friend in the group she almost did not acknowledge the responsibility of the girl but said it was my fault for moving away (it's true even before there was the fight I didn't make enough efforts to really include myself) but I asked many times why did nobody told me what was happening behind my back and never got an answer despite I should move on from the situation (it's true but I keep on ruminating I need tips for that as well)
So now I don't know what to do with this friend knowing she stayed and defended a girl that really did me wrong but never told me what was happening. That friend was also always nice to me steped up for my birthday treated me with kindness but I really did not have support from her and therefore i really want to cut her off and move away like I usually do. The thing is she made efforts to keep contact with me and maybe there is things I don't see and there is things she doesn't see about the situation but I don't understand why she doesn't want to answer me and act like this. People around me tell me to cut her off but I really I'm hesitant about this.
To finish I discovered this year that I had abandonment issues but now I'm convinced all the people I will met in life will leave me considering my previous friends groups fell apart. The things is either I don't know how to include myself or when I do I'm never truly in it people forget me easily and I don't know how to make them care about me enough. I have a really good friendship so far and met girls this year that defended me and care about me but I'm convinced it will fall apart
@67Flo76 we are here to listen to you
Thanks a lot @caringWinter1529
@67Flo76
I can relate to the issues that an anxiety about abandonment can cause. I wonder if, like me, this has led you to a belief that you need to be liked by everyone, otherwise you have failed to be a good person?
Logically this is nuts, no one is going to be liked by everyone, but I used to panic if I thought someone didn't like me. This led me to have problems letting go. I notice that the girl you talk about has given clear signs that she doesn't like you, and yet you still call her a friend. Is that a friend?
I spent many years trying to contort myself into the person I thought I needed to be, to be liked by everyone. And I ended up hating myself and resenting everyone. The solution for me came in deciding to be my own best friend, first and foremost. To do that, I had to let go of some "friends". But oddly enough, I'm less lonely than I was then.
I know it is hard in school, which can become something of a popularity contest, but when you get to the world of work, you'll likely find that you have to work with, and be professional with, people you don't like and who don't like you. The sooner you can practice those skills, the more ahead you will be.
This is definitely what is happening now. I try to tackle every issue that can lead me to lose friends now because apparently not being like by someone in a group can. I maybe portrayed my friend meaner that she actually is with how I writed my post so I consider her a good person who makes the effort to keep contact with me but I hate that she decided to stay neutral/choose the other girl side. One time at a party she said to me that she was sorry to not be here for me like I was for her so I feel like she sees it (she was drunk). But this friendship breakup really affected me because I never thought ill stop being friends with them. I have been ruminating intensely on this for the past weeks thinking that if I did things differently it wouldn't be like that today but that these people didn't want me into their life either.
The thing is that now I can only think every relationship that I will have in the futur will fail even the ones that have been going for 4 years
