the complexities of friendships

okkk, im 15 so im aware im still young and i haven't met alot of the people in my life that will probably be good friends to me yet, and with being a teenager and hanging out in big groups— there's always going to be drama of some sort.

anyway, i had the same friend group from around 11 till a few months ago. i go through phases of getting burnt out and so i will become a little distant with friends. im aware this isn't 100% right, but i have explained this to many of my friends, i go through times where if im going through alot i will isolate myself and will not want to speak as much as i usually do, its not like im randomly disappearing for no reason. basically, to sum it up, i have explained my tendancies to isolate myself due to mental health MULTIPLE times. and it was always seen as 'having an issue' with someone.

the group i was in, i eventually also outgrew. i wasn't like i had a direct issue with anyone, there was simply just a significant difference in our interests, values and us as people and i did not feel as if i was being included or valued as a friend anymore. this all happened a few months before we had left school to end up going to college, get jobs etc. i had some time to reflect on this and i decided to remove alot of people from my social medias as nobody from my friend group spoke to me anyway on there, and if they did not speak to me or spend time with me now, whilst we was easily able to- they was not going to spend time with me when we are going to colleges in different cities and have busy lives. which is understandable, we are growing. so i made what i think was a mature decision on my behalf to remove people that did not speak to me anymore. but in the area that i live, people are very confrontational, and will take anything as a direct attack. and so me simply removing them (which took 2 weeks for anyone to actually realise) was taken as 'you have an issue with us all' and was mistaken for me being this bad person who was unappreciative of everyone. bare in mind, i had explained multiple times my reasons for my actions.

as of right now, i have like a few people (probably 2-3 people) i speak to. but even then, i am very careful with who i talk to because friendships to me are something that are very special, i want to be able to trust you to be able to tell me if i am in the wrong, not just agree with me because im your friend, i want to be able to know i can speak to you without telling someone else.

i find it peaceful at the moment not having any 'friends' and more just aqaintances. im going to college in september, and im happy it will be a fresh start, where i can possibly find friends that will be better for me