unbalanced
I just woke up from a really weird dream, after having gone to bed early. The dream itself wasn't anything important, but it did put my brain in a mood that got me stuck thinking about things, and suddenly I couldn't sleep.
I am having a thought train about a specific friend that keeps dropping comments that I should move in with them when they move to (x) city. And while I love them dearly, I have been spending the last 2+ years trying to establish myself in the industry of my career here in the city that I currently live. I have struggled with this in the past, and it has been very difficult for me and something of a big achievement that I am in the position that i am in currently.
the way my friend talks about moving concerns me, because their comments make it seem like uprooting myself would be easy. Which then got me thinking about how that conversation always revolved around my friend's career prospects, and not mine. And how it feels like they haven't been listening to my side of the "how's your career going?" conversation. part of it is obviously that we haven't talked as much about my career stuff, because often when we do, the conversation tapers off due to lack of engagement on their part, or they steer the conversation to be about themselves. It hasn't really been a problem till now, but they have been living in a different city so long that we havent' gotten our talking patterns back.
I'm just frustrated and feel like i put more effort into listening to others than they do for me, and it's every tiring. I want to be listened to. I want people to take my needs into consideration as well. iwant to matter.
@affableStrings4654
Thats a tough one to get ,when you expect your needs to be heard and mattered in the real world , if its only about talking , why not just take 2-3 days holiday and visit there?
@affableStrings4654
It has happened to a few people your friend may be anxious about the move and wants you to come as their support system and if they know you are making strides in your career where you are ... perhaps they are NOT listening to you and your goals.
@toughTiger6481
I know that a large part of it is that they want me in their life, but also that they are happier in (x) city. They lived there for almost 5 years for school, and are moving again for grad school, but they have a job prospect in (x) city when they return in 4 years or so. The city that we are both from, the area where I currently live, is not the easiest to survive in, for sure. high rents and all that, and their family is here, which is both a good thing and a bad thing. But the other city where they went to school before is 6 hours away and has nothing for me there. It's smaller, and the specific career that I have is not as popular in that area, so there aren't many prospects for me up there. i don't want to have to give up something i've been working towards for so long. ( it's actually been more like 10 years that i've been striving to make this work, but 2 years at this specific company). I just don't like that it's being glossed over for the ease of one person.
@affableStrings4654
I agree certainly your friend knows your prospect in your field are not great in city they want to head to
many things are a trade off better jobs and prospects often come in areas that have issues like denser population and higher costs ..... i think if it was years down the road and you have experience for awhile you may feel different but only 2 years in and making progress is hard to walk away from
@toughTiger6481
Yeah, and it's way easier for them to get a job literally anywhere. Idk, it just seems a little bit unfair of an expectation.
It seems the actual issue is that you feel unheard. Like it is one way traffic, your friends not taking the time to listen to you.
That might be true, or it might be how you feel, or both.
Do what feels good for you, always. Put up boundaries. Tell them you are investing in your life, YOUR life, respects their life and want to respects yours. No more talking about moving.
So either your guys start communicating or you are better of without them. Good friends listen. Good friends understand. Good friends give you space to live your life, and vice versa.
