I wish I could tell everybody that...

I'm lying to everyone, I'm not always happy and calm about everything. I am emotionally unstable and cry on a daily basis, not having anyone to open up to.

I feel like a fraud.

I'm insecure and fragile

My parents are hurting me emotionally yet they don't know it.

That I feel like I'm loosing pieces of myself every day. That some days I wonder how sane I still am. That every day I feel like I'm stepping closer and closer to the edge of insanity and I'm not sure if one day while on that edge my footing will slip and I'll fall down a crack I'll never recover from.

That I'm tired if everyone depending on me to be the strong one. It's slowly killing me. Since while I'm there for everyone else it feels like no one is there for me

That part of me inside is so broken from growing up with such a controlling sister and family enabling her. That I'm scared to so much as disagree with someone. That I've encountered it at such a young age I can't be different or go back to who I was before it because there is nothing before it.

That the abuse I suffered in multiple relationships has left it hard for me to trust and that I distance myself as a defense mechanism.

That while I'm not actively hurting myself right now. I crave relapsing so badly and that leaving me alone is probably a bad idea.

That while I'm not actively trying to kill myself, I won't go out of my way to save myself if I get into a bad situation. That I would likely encourage it.

Honestly just that I can't help who I am, and that I can't take it.

I am not as strong as I look like. And that I crave love and affection too. I am very emotional and cry over little things.

that im A Terrible Person and i should be Avoided™

That I don't know who I am or what I want.

That needing support is something that everyone will experience in their lives, and that I find it disconcerting and disturbing that so many people consider needing support, or a cry for help, as simply "attention-seeking". I wish I could tell the world, scream at it, that more compassion between humanity is necessary, that people are suffering unnecessarily due to the status quo of callousness and the societal importance of "having it together" at all times.

That putting people down for needing support causes further withdrawal, decreasing the likelihood of that person seeking proper help, or from reaching out to connect with friends for fear of being derided for needing help again.

That this year has opened my eyes to things I wish they could have been kept blind to, in regards to who out of the people I know are in it for the long haul, and who are fair-weather friends, as well as the lengths people are willing to go to in order to maintain their need to be "right" in all situations regardless of how much harm they cause in the process.

I also wish I could tell everyone that I find it reprehensible that mental illness, as well as invisible physical illnesses and disabilities, is looked down upon by so many, especially governments, as non-issues. That it's awful that so many regard people suffering from these things as simply lazy, or unwilling to work if they're unable to.

I wish I could scream from the rooftops that every human is valuable regardless of their ability to be "productive" (read: profitable, rich or a good little cog in the societal machine) and should be treated as such.

I wish I had someone that really understood what I was going through and would let me be anxious and call them at 3 am asking for them to come sit with me