Not feeling so good..
Cheated on my boyfriend with different men, bragged about it with my friends, even went to the extent to invite a guy into our home a few times. This just covers the surface of how I completely violated him.. now feeling the guilt and seeing that pain I caused him. Does this make me a slimey hypocrite that I now feel the pain but didn’t before when I was with these men? I feel so wrong and dirty for the things I have done. He is giving my opportunities to show I am not that type of person anymore but now I’m hit with a conflict. I clearly want to be with him and love him so much but do I take advantage of these opportunities and show him I want to be with him or do I accept that I am not deserving of him and let him go? Both are painful as I know it won’t be the same when we get back together but I also know I can’t see my life without him. It’s all so backwards..
@intuitiveWater3047 So sorry to hear this.
I hope you feel better soon.
I hope you learned a lesson here.
The lesson being, it is never good to cheat on someone.
I am sorry if I sound harsh, but it is the honest truth.
I know that the truth is hard to hear sometimes.
But which would you have, lies or the truth?
I know for me I would want the honest truth.
I hope this helps some.
Again, I am very sorry for sounding harsh.
I believe in telling the people the truth, no matter how hard it is.
I hope you understand where I am coming from.
I appreciate your honesty so much. I am so tired of hearing “everyone makes mistakes” because I feel like that desensitizes cheating as just a mistake. It’s very well a decision made with unjustifiable reasonings. Point is feeding into those feelings and cheating to cope with them is despicable. I just wish with all my heart I didn’t do it and now potentially loosing my relationship. The burden of carrying all of it can be unbearable though and guilt eats at me everyday. How do I not feel forever changed? I feel like I’m loosing myself
it sounds like you have a lot of personal growth you may need to do independently, in order to become the partner your true love deserves to be with.
(I got that from Stevo from Jackass...)
work on yourself, but don't act selfishly.
@intuitiveWater3047 You’re asking about whether you deserve punishment or deserve a loving relationship with him. Guilt and self punishment is not helpful. Why compound the pain you caused him and yourself by leaving as some way of punishing yourself. You want to stay, he wants you to stay. If you left him and he doesn’t want that, are you not just hurting him more? If you want a penance it might be a worthwhile lesson to learn about how to be happy with what you have. It sounds cliché, but it might be the most important thing you could ever learn, because you will lose things and people in life. Weather you are with someone or alone, you are the only one who really has access to happiness. When you find that happiness, you can share that with others and they will be happier with you too. But it takes work and seeking to learn how to be happy. So don’t go punish yourself or run away from this problem you created. Be grateful that you have someone you really love and that loves you. Don’t over complicate it sweetie.