1 Step Foward 2 Steps back
(This isn't too serious, but like kinda lol)
I'm so confused. Like self discovery? Balance? Dude, I went through a whole thing of figuring out and accepting my queerness again. In general, I knew I was gay.
But now I'm sure of my identity, but I'm not sure about my sexuality. It's not too big of a deal to me. But I'm an overthinker, so yeah. Like I learned properly what Non-binary is, and I know now I fall under that category. But for sexuality I know I like men. I always thought I liked women, too. But maybe the environment I was around pushed me to think that? Cuz I realize I'm a big people pleaser. But my 1st real crush was a girl. So that means something, right? And I find them attractive. I think it's just that seeing myself with one is hard. But oh well...
Anyways, on the people pleasing part. I LITTERALLY JUST LIE FOR NO REASON. TO ANYONE. ABOUT STUPID STUFF. like I just lied to my dad's friend kid . Yeah, I know Beyblade and I had some, but they were stolen. LIKE???? NO. ALL LIES. IDK why I said that. To seem cool? I do this with everyone. Did you see this? Oh yeah! Have you ever blank? YUP! I do this blah blah and this. Me too. AND NOW IT'S SO OBVIOUS TO ME. LIKE I REALIZE IT MID WAY OR RIGHT AFTER. And I can't stop. Like I even do it with family. I guess I want whoever to be impressed by me or find me interesting. Cuz I feel I'm a loser, but that's a guess. My mom's a liar, bruh. I don't want to do that. And also keeping up with lies suck. And I always felt honesty is the best, but I'm A HYPOCRITE!
HOW DO I STOPPPP!!!??????
the only person I really do it with is my best friend. But maybe it's cuz I've known her for years. But IVE KNOWN MY FAMILY LONGER so what? I've been more comfortable being myself and dressing how I like and express how I like. But I still cover it all up by just lying. It's so annoying. Like do I just take it back right after I lie? But then now I'm a just a liar to them. Gosh I'd hate it if I was a pathological liar but that seems extra.
@Mroppy
Thanks for opening up about all of this. It really sounds like you are doing a lot of deep thinking about who you are, and that is not easy. Figuring out your identity and your sexuality can feel confusing, especially when you are also trying to stop people-pleasing.
It is normal to question your feelings and wonder where they come from. Your first crush on a girl matters, and so does your attraction to men. It is okay if things feel messy or if you are not sure what label fits. You do not have to have it all figured out right now.
About the lying, a lot of people do this when they want to be liked or fit in. You are definitely not alone. The fact that you notice it and want to change is a really good sign. Maybe next time, you can pause before answering and check if what you are saying is true or just what you think someone wants to hear. If you catch yourself in a lie, you can always correct it, even if it feels awkward. Most people appreciate honesty, and it is okay to say you do not know something or that you just said something without thinking.
You are not a bad person for struggling with this. It is just a habit, and habits can be changed with time. You are already making progress by being aware and wanting to do better.
If you want to talk more about how to make honesty easier, or anything else, I am here to listen.
Thanks, I'll take all of that in mind. I hope this is a habit I can break.
@Mroppy Oh wow, thank you for being so real here! You're not alone in this messy, layered, confusing self-discovery thing. It’s wild, right? It’s okay to feel sure in one area and fuzzy in another. Identities aren’t always a neat checklist. You’re allowed to evolve, explore, question and change your mind a hundred times if you need to. You’re still you.
You’re figuring things out and yeah, it’s kinda chaotic but also kinda beautiful. One honest step at a time💙
