A little reminder to keep my peace

I took a step to keeping my peace.

I almost feel guilty. Because it could cause another to get upset.

Even if it is because my boundaries, which has been spoken and made known, still repeatedly gets ignored over the course of two decades.

Funny innit, how Im the bad person for trying to protect myself.

For trying to be my own person I cause another to "lose meaning in their life" like I am responsible for their purpose in life.

For trying to gather up the miniscule pieces of my sense of self, Im "another person. My daughter isn't like this".

And i feel the stares of disapproval from relatives, 'how dare you treat our brother this way'. But they say nothing because its a "family problem", they "don't have a say or the right to interfere" with how someone else runs their family.

Now im grown old in the physical sense of things but yet i still feel like a child that needs to hide behind its mother. My sense of self is so tiny, its hard to hold a job, hard to relate to people, hard to strike up conversations because im still trapped in a psychological cage where im not allowed to this or to that.

After all thats been said and done, codependency is so toxic i must remove myself but have no means to and no resources to do so. In the years i have yet to endure being on poison ground, I must keep my peace, I must endure.

Though it is kinda funny, I wouldve thought i'd gain some poison resistance by now...