Anxious about controlling family 25f

Im a 25f with a caring boyfriend and living at home has been incredibly stressful because of my stepdad. My mom is controlling and believes I should move out when I am married because of our religion its a sin to live with my boyfriend and not be married. I dont want to marry right now. But my stepdad is 78 and my mom is 57. A 21 yr age gap 🙄

My mom wanted to leave my dad because my dad cheated on her like twice. But she met my stepdad and basically was stupid and still married and already had me and my older sister, I was 2 and she was 4 at the time. Well when I was 4 she got pregnant with my half sister. While pregnant she found out my stepdad was sleeping around with like 10 women!

She never told my sisters and I this because then if she said the truth than her leaving my dad because he cheated twice but staying with my stepdad even though he cheated makes he a hypocrite. He never does anything around house. She mowed lawn, did chores, cook, etc. He worked but thats it. Never did anything for her really even some holidays all he did was get her a card, no anniversary present, bday present etc.

I noticed growing up he never did anything while she did everything and my sisters and I did chores to help her. She always said its because hes old and doesnt have the best health because he smoked for 35 years 🙄

Anyways he may have cancer in his lungs because of like some scan they saw dark spots. But doctors arent fully sure yet. He knew this a few months ago. Well in late march he left the house and didnt come back for 3 weeks. My mom found out he was with his ex and slept with his ex. My mom cried a lot and was prepared for possible divorce. But she wanted to talk to him to give him his options. He apparently cried and said he wanted to come back home. So she called to tell my sister and I that he was coming back and to be nice and pretend we dont know he was with his ex. So we pretended. Then that same day they went to evening service at church and my sis looked through his phone and found out by txt convo that he did sleep with his ex.

my mom still wants to stay with him just because if they divorce she would have to sell house and split half and frankly she doesnt want to work.

I hate him ever since I found out he did that while she was depressed and couldnt sleep those 3 weeks he was gone. He also may have cancer but we dont know yet because doctors need to do biopsy of his lung.

i cant stand living at home. I feel so stressed having to eat at table with him, cant be mean to him and have to talk to him and be nice basically. She wants me to do all this because he (may) have cancer and because she doesnt want him to leave her and change his will.

My boyfriend knows im uncomfortable here. Ive cried because I cant stand being here. I feel so much disgusts and hatred towards him. And hate also how my mom wont let me leave. 4 weeks ago I wanted to tell her I want to leave and move in with my boyfriend but all because of religion, she says she wont allow it. And basically manipulated me by saying i can leave but I cant get any of my belongings. I work at home and have work computer so I need it or I will lose my job if I dont work. I know its illegal she cant keep it and I can call the cops.

but also I know it looks really bad and mean to call cops on one’s own mother.

but she manipulates and wont let me leave. I am wondering if I can also take my own personal belongings? Like even though this isnt my house. Can I still take my own stuff and not just my work computer? I dont want her trying to keep my car or belongings. Will cops allow me to take my stuff even if this is her house?

I hate how things feel lately. I really hate living at home and constantly feel uncomfortable and stressed. She doesnt like that i barely talk to my stepdad and tries to make me feel like a jerk by saying he has cancer (likely but doesnt really know). i hate how she makes it seem like Im wrong and cant be immature but I literally despise and cant stand him. Hes nothing to me. He treats my mother this way and yet she expects me to not have hatred for him? Also shes a hypocrite. She wasnt married to him and was still married to my dad (but separated) and got pregnant with my stepdad and lived a few years unmarried to him. And I hate how she uses religion to judge unmarried couples living together and talks bad about them but she did the same thing! Only excuse she has is that she says she wasnt going to church and didnt know. Which is bs because years before she met my stepdad she attended church with my dad.

She doesnt validate how I feel and says “why are you stressed?” And I feel miserable being here having to pretend. I want peace in my life and freedom. For years as an adult she still tries to control me.