Between my happiness and my sadness... ((only one thing))

I want to raise my problem that causes me anxiety and panic... Perhaps I will find in your words and thoughts a solution, idea, or inspiration that will lead me to the desired result. I am a woman who lives a life that does not resemble me.

Six years ago I lost my father as if I had lost a part of my heart. A year after his death, I met a man in whom I found everything I love...

He supported me in all life situations. Days passed and a problem occurred that separated us from each other. Five years passed and I did not forget him.

A year ago my mother died and then I was involved in an accident that made me lose my job and my friends and I became an introvert who could not deal with people.

After the accident, several months later, I met the love of my heart by chance on social networking sites...

I discovered that he had married and divorced and was very happy with my appearance in his life again...but I did not know how to be happy and how to meet him? What should I tell him?

Every time he asks me to meet him, I use many things as an excuse. I don’t know how I will meet him even though my appearance has changed..?!

I can't stand him seeing me with kindness, and I don't want him to lose it again, and I will leave my sister after her marriage soon...

I suffer day and night from this issue, I can't sleep anymore... Time is wasting in my hands and I have not found a solution...

My happiness is in front of me but I cannot reach it.