Can I never find an intimate connection without getting hurt or one of us leaving?
While things have been a bit more stable lately, I'm feeling kinda down. U see, a few days ago, the girl i considered my closest friend displayed the same trigger that my traumatic ex did. I know she did it when she was in terrible pain. And this has been just bothering me, coz I don't feel content unless I hv a very good state of mind, and honestly now I'm seeing that girl through a different lens, I just can't get what she did out of my head, and my intuition is saying to keep my distance and pull a slow fade coz I can't do this or put myself through this. I'm very proud that I handled this way better than I did with my ex, but the pain doesn't go away. The part that sucks tho is that some fight or something like this keeps happening with the people I finally feel safe enough to be vulnerable around (this girl) or people that were my safe place but now are either completely cut off from my life (ex) or at a safe distance (parents). I just feel jinxed at this point and honestly this isn't the only thing hurting me, but the pain that my closest friend went through makes me so sad coz I rlly care and love her as a friend. and she's a good person but this happens to her and I always get tangled up in the philosophical dillema of creating ur own fortune vs. Some ppl having it worse than others. It's sometimes hard to believe in create ur own fortune, tho it's more optimistic it's just hard to imagine blaming ppl battling such hard battles. And if it's some ppl hv it worse that's true, then couldn't I have easily been in her place? Anyways, I'm just not feeling that great and the main point is that tho I'm slightly better (I thought I was very much better btw) is that life keeps throwing challenge after challenge my way (and not those fun, slightly challenging problems, real painful ones) and I'm exhausted by the long term healing. Whenever I feel like oh I'm finally so healed and can live properly, life always proves me wrong. Always. And the worst part is u never know when the nonsense is gonna end.
@reservedVase8999
🥺
I understand what you mean!
Life is going well and you are in a good head space .
And then it continues to blind side you with problems.
It can be tiring.
And challenging.
But ultimately part and parcel of life.
It's important to hold onto the good and enjoy the present and allow others to guide you through the bad times .
I know, at the time it doesn't feel like it, but they do pass?
Wishing you well!
💜🥰
@Amanda84
Thank you so much for your response and validating my feelings. And yes, u are right, though it can be hard to be optimistic sometimes, we must try. Thank you for using your lovely words to guide me through this rough patch. And yes, hopefully this will pass. Wishing you well too❤️
@reservedVase8999
Thank you kindly for your well wishes 💜 🥰
@reservedVase8999
To answer your question simply, Yes.
I’m sorry you had to go through this experience with your closest friend, but I’m glad you handled it better than with your ex. That’s something to hold onto, even if it is painful right now.
I believe life throws us these challenges because there’s an area in our life that needs to grow. A friend would often recite to me, God gives us lessons until we learn them, and until we learn them, we’ll keep getting the lessons. I think she was trying to be helpful, but it felt like she was saying if I want to stop feeling punished, then I ought to learn the lesson quickly.
Later on in my life, I met other friends similar to the friends I meet here on 7cups who taught me that there is help and hope in the world, and we don’t have to go through life alone. In that regard, life’s lessons are all taken care of in their own time, similar to how a toddler learns to walk.
From that perspective, I don’t know if I learned my lessons any quicker, but I felt loved all along the way. In my circumstance, I would often acquiesce to my wife’s wants (now my ex). Until I got the support I needed, life felt like a maze whereupon around any corner I might encounter a problem that could suddenly erupt into a blowout argument which always left me feeling diminished.
That’s what I hear in your story, friend. Thank you for sharing it.
Hang in there, keep making connections on 7cups … and feel free to reach out anytime 🙂
Thank you so much for your wise reply @FaithfulScout. I really appreciate it. Thank you for giving me hope that I will find true connection that is also safe. And ur right that life lessons gradually unfold. I'm so glad ur doing better now. Again, thanks.