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reservedVase8999
2 2,428 M Hopeful Heart 4
PathStep 6 Compassion hearts559 Forum posts198 Forum upvotes510 Current upvotes510 Age GroupTeen Last activeOctober, 2026 Member sinceNovember 4, 2024
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Need to get this off my chest
General Support / by reservedVase8999
Last post
 October 3rd
...See more I'm just so..confused? And very very sad. I always love myself a lot, and recently I've been going thru some changes. I'm questioning my identity, that i may like girls.. so there was this girl I considered a very good friend of mine.. I'd also fallen for her, and she honestly always gave me strong romantic signals. But then one day, things changed. My gut told Mr leading up to this day, that things wud change.. so yeah I found out that she didn't like me in that way and at first I felt very hurt..I wanted to get away from. Her. But then I realised I wanted her in my life, but with strictly platonic boundaries. I dodnt know what that wud look like. But I took a risk and for the first time ever, I confessed romantic feelings to someone..it was so scary, but I always wanted be by my side, and decided to choose my peace. And it went..better than I expected. She said she was very happy, she liked me as a friend and respected the platonic space boundaries I'd set. I was genuinely feeling good. And even if it was hard, I stood by my stated boundaries.. but now I don't know. I feel uncertain whether she Eben wants to be my friend. She's always been kind, never disrespectful or hurtful to me, yet all my energy gets wasted in this, even after the conversation.. I don't do this much overthinking with anyone else in my life. And I can't pinpoint what but something feels off in my gut again. I want to stand myself and honor my gut feeling. But I still can't help feeling confused. My other 2 very good friends wud be supportive but after all this I'm already in a massive vulnerability hangover, and I rlly don't wanna tell them.. I was prepared from whatever response after the boundary setting, but I didn't think things wud be so confusing after it. I just wanna cry. I'm unsure abt everything. Unsure abt this, unsure abt my new therapist.. I remember how pain feels like..and I think part of me wants to run away from it and part of me wants to purposely delve in the pain, if that makes sense? And my life is so much bigger than anyone, but I just feel..so lost and sad.. I rlly can't open up irl to anyone rn and honestly I wasn't gonna come here and talk abt this either but I decided to anyways.. it feels amazing to hv a support system that's there for me, but now I just feel suspended in the mix of half-pain, half no pain,?? That dies feel weird.. also she canceled on a grp hangout, idl if it's bcoz of me..I feel like, I just need more data over time right?? But on the other hand I'm done with uncertainty, I took a risk doing that convo, and that was supposed to give me the answers!! I just need comfort, validation, support maybe clarity rn??😭 pls someone help me..
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I just wanna be taken care of
General Support / by reservedVase8999
Last post
 August 20th
...See more And I don't have that right now. I feel like I'm gonna cry. So many memories from the past keep surfacing and I feel as tho I can't function properly. I'm always here for myself, but rn, I also want/need another stable source of love to be there for me. To hold me and help me. I feel terrible(the emotion) rn.
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Tired, Ocd, Mom
General Support / by reservedVase8999
Last post
 July 25th
...See more Hii. So ive been wanting to vent for quite a while now. I'm so tired. My mom keeps being chaotic, tho I know she means well it constantly drains my energy and my mood. Also suddenly memories from a past time are surfacing and it's so strange abd subtle and weird. I don't know what my emotions wanna tell me, but I'm too scared to sit with them even tho I tried. Also I don't experience catharsis on crying for the past two years. It's really hard to express my emotions. And to top it it off I hv neurodivergence, which is why I constantly crash after school, and I'm so tired of OCd constantly being excluded in neurodivergent spaces. The good part is my friends and My self-love, but idk other parts like chaos in my family and other things just feel unstable. My parents aren't bad but it's really hard to accept that I'm never getting a second pair of parents to be there for me. It's also my psychological need to stay up late to control at least this keeps clashing with my biological circadian rhythm and I keep staying up late. But they don't wanna understand. Where're I try to explain it's like I'm facing a wall of constant advice and misunderstanding. Also everyone thinks I'm straight, but I'm really not. And this is dark but I like pretending I am bcoz I don't want to be hurt. In my head I've never, ever been ashamed of liking girls. Not when I was a kid, and not now. But outside of my head, putting any other label feels so strange. Ofc my friends and family know that I'm an ally, but nothing beyond that. And first I thought it was okay, but it's getting really tiring to put 'he' or 'they' pronouns to refer to some crushes. Also I've not even been able to open up to any therapists. I think I'm also just not able ti trust guys in any form, whether it be brother or friend or crush. I've become so wary after experiencing so much. I'm not saying I hv anything against guys, but warmness tends to build after a few experiences. Also I get really irritated when my family refers to my "future husband" or whatever, especially in a phase when I'm not even feeling any genuine attraction towards them. Also I'm really scared of change abd the sudden internal emotions even if subtle and the resurfacing of memories is really scary after all the change already. I just want stability, but maybe a part of me wants freshness too. Also, if any of u hv ideas on how to sustain my peace along with my relationship with my mom, that be helpful (I've tried talking to her and it's only further drained me btw) Anyways so thank u for listening. Sometimes I just get so tired of this world, this society.
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Overwhelmed
General Support / by reservedVase8999
Last post
 June 2nd
...See more Hi I didn't know what else to label this post. The truth is life I'd good, but my vacations just ended😭. I really love how my personal life is, and thought of juggling my self love and relations and story writing and relaxation and fun and nature along with Sats, and school exams, and uni prep a d a program is really getting on my head. I wish I could tell myself m, this will be over in a month, but it won't. This month my program will end, but exams will start. Then exams will end and Sats will start. Then Sats will end and uni prep will start! And u all know how hectic uni is ! And all in all the thought of juggling sk much together seems so hard and I feel so annoyed. Of course there are plans I tried to make but even looking at them doesn't give me motivation. It feels like I'm just meeting halfway, instead of doing what I desire, which I don't even know what it is!! I guess I'm just really mad at hustle culture. Even the personal time I do manage to get ppl expect me to prioritize other things over it. It's not even really about ppl. I don't know what I'm saying. I guess I'm just saying I'm tired of the workload once ur short vacation quickly ends
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Venting about..life
General Support / by reservedVase8999
Last post
 March 20th
...See more I'm so tired of explaining. Tired of caring. I still don't why everyone's words keep getting in my head. I want to move at my own pace but no one will let me. Everyone thinks they can decide for me what I'd important and what is not. I hate it. I hate it. Since I was young my parents have always labeled me as the "lazy girl" yeah right the lazy girl who had to get out of their depression on her own, who had tp get out of a toxic relationship and build good friendships and self love all over. The girl who managed to get above average grades even when going thru ***. I know I work hard. Maybe I don't toil for hours at a stretch but I still build consistent self love, I had to heal myself and I still managed to study. And when I had to let go of all toxic coping mechanisms, the least toxic of them I had left was TV. It's still being hard to let go. But no one ever seems to understand. Whether I take time tp eat or watch tv for a few hours during my VACATIONS or I don't study "enohgh" it's always something I HAVE to get better at and improve even if it's something so little. With the weight of healing off my shoulders, I feel the weight of the world on mine. Learning to be an adult is scary as it is, without believing what everyone says my whole life. Yes, I probably don't study as much as others but that doesn't mean that I deserve to be criticized for studying a little less. Well, my teachers certainly don't seem to think I'm not as "hardworking" or "dedicated" as the rest of my classmates. It's so hard, teenagehood, as it is, without adults blowing down on our necks. Even my therapist out of nowhere began discussing how "hard" I need to work or where I'm headed in the future whereas that never was any of y therapy goals and I fet so uncomfortable discussing it I care about discussing my emotions and my relationship with myself and others, not talk about my academics right in the middle of therapy. And I'm trying so hard to research and meet and plan all my university goals. My parents aren't helping me at all so I wonder why they're talking about my "future". Why is humanity such that only professional things can be pictured as true success and happiness. Why is everyone so oriented towards work and why do they force everyone to care as much as they do, even when we're trying our best. I was crying while typing this and yeah..I guess my venting is done..but now it's started to get in my head that I'm not "hardworking" enough and it really suvks.
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Can't find listener
7 Cups Online Therapy / by reservedVase8999
Last post
 January 31st
...See more 2 days ago I found a nice listener on the site, but now when I looked up her tag name on the listener finder I can't find her? Any suggestions?
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Subtle emotional hurt
General Support / by reservedVase8999
Last post
 January 4th
...See more It's been so long with many ups and downs. I'm good, but them I'm hurting. I don't know where to start but I hv this underlying guilt abt stuff like somewhere in my brain there's such a misalignment of circumstances and the person I am there's a belief that I'm the worst and the worst things are happening to me maybe bcoz I wanna prove i can be loved even tho I'm the worst or something like that? But lately it's been changing. I feel like I'm making so much progress whether it's not spiraling ,not getting jealous of my ex anymore or understanding myself better. But even thru all this I'm so so tired *** I'm like why just why is there this subtle emotional pain always thru everything and I've been thru enough I'm do tired I've suffered long enough and even tho I'm making better decisions my emotions aren't getting better they seem stuck like some dull ache in my body abd god I'm so tired snd I tell my therapist a lot but sometimes I doubt she's the right one for me. Sometimes I leave the sessions feeling more confused and heavy than clear. And then I feel guilt for some emotions but then I hv to remind myself that no, I deserve to live a good life no matter what my feelings are or who I am. But still It shcks and feels like a subtle never ending loop of darkness abd I'm suddenly so so restless!
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Mean to my dad (Trigger: mention of depression and thoughts)
General Support / by reservedVase8999
Last post
 December 21st, 2025
...See more I'm so mean to my father, and j don't know why. He is sweet and kind most of the times, but he's just so overbearing during a bad day, and just doesn't know how to give ppl space at all despite me telling him. It's so awkward and I get so mean and then guilt comes to me and I hv crazy thoughts like what if he dies before I ever learn to treat him nicely and etc. And recently I've decided not to let myself feel so much guilt, but I really don't get what's wrong. Why is this happening? It doesn't happen with any other family members. Yes, there was a time when my dad or kinda both my parents were linked to my depression, and it was horrible, suicidal depression, but it was 2.5 yrs ago, and these years hv been healing so I even think I'm gradually starting to forgive them, and they r better parents ngl. So I'm just so tired. Between his stupid inappropriate jokes that my culture has defined as appropriate and my raging anger towards the male behavior towards women, plus him not rlly giving me space, and I feel obliged to love my father instead of rlly loving him sometimes which can be so irritating. It's so confusing. I don't even what to do or how to be responsible for my behavior. Normally in my healing I've always somewhat known the next step, but now I don't know. I've always had this thing of never getting to close to the ppl I hurt bcoz I wanted to fully process my emotions and only then get closer to them to actually be better. So I avoided him even when I felt okay, bcoz I didn't want to create an expectation that I'd always be able to be nice. But a few days ago I tried to stop doing that with both my father and myself, but now I again feel mean and I don't know why. An outside perspective would be welcome, please.
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