Chat with wysl444
Hello Yaosi! Here's a spot for us to chat since we're both members!(we're unable to send each other messages)
Feel free to say whatever's on your mind.
I'm here to support you. 🌟
First, just wanted to do a check in and ask how was your day today? :)
@wysl444
@ImpudentIncognito
Thank you so much for asking and caring. It means a lot.
Well, today was pretty standard. I'm homeschooled, so I study alone while my parents fo somewhere else. I was doing exams today, I think I did okay.
P.S., I want to talk more about the issue that you mentioned in the group chat, can I do it here?
@wysl444 Of course, feel free to share what's on your mind. :) Also, it's good to hear that you were able to have some time alone!
@ImpudentIncognito
Thank you so much. Uhm, I don't know where to start, really. I've never actually talked about my own circumstances with others, because I was always confused whether it was actually abuse or not. I mean, maybe it's just tough love or something like that?
Many of the things my parents do are weird, but when I was younger and I searched the internet (I looked for the meaning of abuse and stuff like that) the things that abusive parents usually did (e.g., getting drunk, beating the child, neglect, etc) didn't really happen to me.
E.g., my parents don't get drunk and start beating me.
So when I was younger, I told myself it's okay. Maybe it's just my parents way of saying they care for me, you know. Cuz sometimes my parents are really nice (those are the good days) sometimes they are furious and they terrify me.
There were 2 incidents that made me stop and think about my parents' behaviours and truly reflect on whether or not they were abusive. I think it happened in July or August this year.
The first one was a misunderstanding. Whenever I speak in a slightly raised voice my mother gets furious. That day she was in a bad mood. She was drinking a cup of warm water, I was standing in front of her.
She was furious and, like in those dramatic movies, she splashed me with the water.
When it happened, I felt like I was watching it happen in slow motion (I never dare to dodge her or her hits), and the weird thing was when I got drenched in water, I wasn't even angry. My heart was just empty and numb, like, ooh, she's splashing me with water? That's new.
The second incident was creepy as ***. She was angry because I didn't do something right away, and she suddenly sneaked up from behind me, wrapped her hands around my neck and squeezed. I was terrified.
I think that was the wake up call for me, like would a loving parent really do that? The crazy thing was, after that, my mother released my neck and suddenly cracked jokes, and since I was terrified, I just laughed along.
Anyway, this has been longer than I intended it to be. Thank you for reading, putting aside time to listen to me.
I'm not that good with comforting words, but I hope you can keep being strong, for yourself and your son.
Thank you!
@wysl444 Yeah, I used to think the same, that I wasn't getting abused, until the abuse from my parents started escalating more and more. I can understand where you're coming from there. Both verbally or mentally hurting someone on purpose is still considered abuse though. I learnt that later on.
Neither of those actions that your mother took against you are OK. That's wrong and downright abusive. She SQUEEZED your neck??? Never in a million years would I ever, EVER put my hand on my son's throat to do that nor would I purposely splash water at him in disgust -- whether he raises his voice at me or not, that's not the right action for me, as a parent, to take.
I'm sorry that your parents have been acting that way. Just know it is not your fault for their actions. Also, don't feel bad if you need space from them or to break free. You're a young adult with many aspirations, goals, and life ahead of you! There's more to this world than dealing with the misery that your parents bring to you.
When I was 18 years old, I ended up leaving my parents house and never looked back since. I felt free. I did struggle a lot, but I think it was worth it for my freedom. Learnt from a lot of mistakes.
Though, that is merely my story. I have brothers who keep varying degrees of contact with our parents (who are separated). My oldest brother lives in mother's house and drives down to see father in the small town we grew up in. My 2nd oldest brother, myself, and younger brother all live in the same state that's about 1,000 kilometers away from oldest brother and parents. My 2nd oldest brother calls my parents often, my youngest brother almost never calls, but will visit every once in a while with 2nd oldest brother to see oldest bro and parents.
I'm the only one who doesn't talk to anyone in the family due to the severity of abuse I had to endure for 18 years of my life at that time (I'm much older now lol, I'm an old fart).
I'm planning on leaving this city with my partner. My partner and I were thinking of moving out of state too.
Originally, I was going to move out of the country, or rather, move out of this continent before I met my partner but...he can't fly due to medical issues and I want to make sure he's good first.
I don't know, guess we'll see what life brings first haha.
I just had a couple of questions for you, if that's OK? :) :
- What are your current goals you have set? (ex. Finish college and do XYZ, Looking for friends/relationships, being able to beat a personal record, etc)
- What makes you feel most at peace in life (ex. going for a walk while listening to music, eating your favourite food, spending time with loved ones/pets, etc)?
- How was your day today?
@ImpudentIncognito
First of all I apologize for the late reply. Sometimes with my parents around it can be hard to find time to check my phone.
Thank you for your kind words, and thank you for telling me your experience as well. It's... new, and strange, but in a good way, I guess, to hear that I'm not alone.
Sure, you can go ahead and ask me anything. To answer your questions,
1. Well, my plan is to find college overseas, maybe somewhere like China, so that I can get away from my parents. Hopefully after graduating I can find a job or get a PR of sorts to stay overseas and avoid my parents.
Unfortunately it's hard to get scholarships or to go to unis overseas because of my family's financial circumstances and because I'm a homeschooled and some schools don't see that as proper education.
However, one thing that has often dissuaded me from leaving my parents is because I have a younger sister, with an age difference of about 10 years. Rest assured, she's not being abused. Other than the occasional spanking, at least it seems my parents don't want to hit her or something like that. (I think they've gone soft with age.)
Worse comes to worst, if I can't find a university or run away, I think I'll just end things quickly. I just hope my sister won't be traumatized because of it.
2. I feel at peace mostly when I'm sleeping, cuz it's the time when I won't see my parents. Sometimes I even sleep in on purpose, not because I'm tired or I want to sleep more, but simply to run away from reality.
Uhm, I also enjoy reading Chinese BL, which is one of my greatest reprieves from the world. When I was younger my parents forbid me from reading or borrowing books from the library, so I turned to the internet instead. It's pretty okay.
3. My day was pretty okay today, thank you for asking. Other than the occasional jabs or taunts from my parents I'm okay.
Once again, thank you for asking and caring. It means a lot.
