Confession--I broke the traffic law, will it be okay?

(Sorry for the long post in advance)

Hi all. I have been driving without a valid license for 4 years. I had a valid license in my previous state, but I didn't update my license to my new state in time and so had to take the driving test again in my new state. The driving test makes me really nervous and I failed it twice--not because of "major" errors, but still. I've been really nervous to take the test again since then and so just kinda... didn't. I've been driving on a permit for a few years, illegally because I haven't had a licensed driver in the car.

Today I felt the consequence when I was pulled over by a cop. I turned right on a red light where I wasn't allowed to (I thought I could make the yellow)--my fault. But because I don't have a license, it's a bigger deal. Right now it's just a fine, but technically it's a criminal offense.

So I'm absolutely not going to be driving until I get my license, which I know I shouldn't have been doing this whole time. I'm trying to schedule a new permit test but there has been absolutely nothing available at any RMV (I'm on a waitlist for even being able to schedule an appointment at all) and my state doesn't accept walk-ins, so I'm pretty much just waiting.

I know I should have done this months--years ago. I feel terrible that I let everything lapse, and that this all happened because I let my original license lapse. I know there's nothing to be done about it except follow the procedure. I am lucky in that although being without a car will be very inconvenient, it's not impossible for me. But I am so disappointed with myself I feel sick. I can't believe I let this happen, and it's absolutely no one's fault but my own. I feel completely worthless and stupid, like what did I think was going to happen? I've done all I can do in a practical sense but I don't feel any better.