Confused behaviour
I’m in a relationship where things are mostly good, but whenever my partner is going through a hard time, he says things that really hurt me. He questions my efforts, says the relationship isn’t going well, or brings up things that make me feel like I’m not enough. After things get better, he never acknowledges how those words affected me. It feels like I’m the only one holding the relationship together while also trying not to upset him. I care for him and want to support him, but it’s hard when I’m scared to speak up or show how much it hurts. I’m struggling with anxiety and feeling alone in this, and I’m looking for advice on how to take care of myself while still being there for him.
@Shreeshaaa
I'm glad you feel happy mostly but this needs to stop!
He cannot insult or bring things up to hurt you and then just brush them under the carpet because it suits!
Relationships are about open and honest conversations.
Respect.
Truth.
Accountability.
Saying sorry and meaning it.
Trying to be a better version of yourself!
Listening.
Respecting boundaries .
You shouldn't ever have to walk in eggshells or be afraid to say anything, period!
He needs to watch how he speaks to you and finds other ways to work out his moods and emotions!
You deserve to be happy and heard!
Wishing you both the best!
💕💜
Thankyou so much for your kind advice Amanda.
@Shreeshaaa
You are most welcome!
💜💕
Everything is
Make sure you set boundaries and take care of your own mental health first. Communicate calmly about how his words affect you, but don’t silence your own pain to keep peace. A healthy relationship means both partners feel valued — supporting him shouldn’t come at the cost of your well-being....everything is going to be all right don't worry....
I don't know most of the time I think he already has so much to deal with. I also fear if I say things, he might just walk away. It shouldn't be like this, but, I also think it'd be either like this or it won't be anything at all.
Having too much to deal with is no a excuse, if he walks away he obviously doesn’t value you enough.
I know it’s hard but don’t put yourself in a position where you value other’s mental health over your own, you need to set boundries for a relationship to thrive and not upset one another. But the thing is, you should never have to ask your lover to treat you kindly, to tell you things that make you happy not sad. If you do, maybe that is not a good thing to hold onto. But lets say we try, tell him a paragraph of how you feel or call him. You can even say it in real life when the mood is right, don’t be scared of it wont have a opportunity to change. If he doesn’t change, respond with silence instead, push him away and take your energy elsewhere. He will feel your absence and if he truly values you he will want it gone. He will try make you happy and attract you, in your absence be firm and tell him exactly what needs to be done.
Yes, you are absolutely right. Before that I feel I need to work on my issues. I'm too much emotionally dependent on him. Let's say he's mad at me for smth, I'd not be able to focus on anything and will be completely distressed. The moment he fixed *** w me, life becomes normal, and I feel I can breathe. To avoid this state of mine, I fear from anything that would trigger those situations. Also, I've lost the friendship of my only best friend and I'm totally cut off from the world, so it's like all my energy and focus is diverted to us, even though I'm working, I really lack human contact atp of my life.
@shreeshaa I completely understand how you're feeling because I've been in a similar place before. That emotional dependency can feel overwhelming, and losing connections like a best friend only adds to the isolation. What helped me was slowly rebuilding my sense of self outside of that dependency—starting small, maybe reconnecting with an old hobby, or reaching out to someone I trusted. It takes time, but you're not alone in this. You're stronger than you think, and it's okay to take it one step at a time..
I'm trying constantly. But, I feel too tired to do things. And, at this moment I don't have any trusted freind or family member. I'm trying to get back to my old hobby though.
Thankyou so much for your kind words.
I understand, same with my partner. If he doesn’t talk to me I feel empty and I need to work on it too. We can work on it together we got this :)
I know it’s hard but don’t put yourself in a position where you value other’s mental health over your own, you need to set boundries for a relationship to thrive and not upset one another. But the thing is, you should never have to ask your lover to treat you kindly, to tell you things that make you happy not sad. If you do, maybe that is not a good thing to hold onto. But lets say we try, tell him a paragraph of how you feel or call him. You can even say it in real life when the mood is right, don’t be scared of it wont have a opportunity to change. If he doesn’t change, respond with silence instead, push him away and take your energy elsewhere. He will feel your absence and if he truly values you he will want it gone. He will try make you happy and attract you, in your absence be firm and tell him exactly what needs to be done.
I want to be honest you should never scared to speak up for yourself. If you go silent now your teaching yourself that it okay to deal with your feelings alone. Now in regards to him iy sounds like he operates from his who way to much and he uses you as the. Emotional punching bag at times when things aren’t going well. I’m not saying he a narcissist however rhat a narcissistic trait for sure.
Build yourself up and remind yourself that your not those mana thing he try to make you out to be. If you’re going to stay with him my advice is to build yourself up and confidence up more and men learn. Through consequences please know that and think about that. If there no consequences for there actions they will keep doing the same stuff.
I truly agree with words and it makes me realise the love in this relationship is highly imbalanced. I need to figure it out and maybe get out of it if the imbalance persists.