Cool days
I really can't differentiate if this is some numbness or emptiness. I feel too calm to the point of worry. I struggle with anxiety mostly all my life and when it recessed, I can't tell if it really does or this is just some big time numbness. I can't say if I'm healing either because this has become a cycle, and instead of enjoying these calm period when my body and mind feels too at peace, a part of me still anticipate the storm that's on the way. I have too many deadlines to meet and I'm not even bothered by one. I have a lot of schedule Stacked up for April but right now, I couldn't care less. I honestly wish I can stay like this for all my life. But that's rather a dream because just a few days ago, I was overwhelmed by the thought of "April", the thought of everything on my schedule and every deadline that falls just on the first week of April alone to the point of even crying. But now what!? I really can't tell what this is. There's no other emotions too, such as happiness, sadness or excitement, fear and anxiousness. I can't recognize my emotional state or maybe it doesn't always have to be something. Maybe this is the "I just want to be" that I always wish for during the intense periods. I don't feel fully here, but at the same time I'm more than sane right now. I like this no-feelings episode but for how long would it stay here?
@SOFFY9 It sounds like you’re navigating a really complex emotional space right now, and it’s completely understandable that you’re having difficulty distinguishing between numbness and calmness. Having struggled with anxiety for so long, it’s natural for periods of calmness to feel foreign, almost unsettling. It’s like you’ve been used to the tension and the storm, so when the calm arrives, it’s hard to tell if it’s a true break or just the stillness before another wave of anxiety hits.
You're very right! And yes the storms are back lol. Also kept me away from this supportive space. Thank you for the reply
It may be depression or simply exhaustion. I’m living this too.
Did you try getting help? How did it go? If not, how have you been coping?
Years ago, I use to call this "the nothing." I went a whole year feeling absolutely nothing at all. No happiness, sadness nor anger. Just nothing. The only thing that I can equate it to is that one quote from pirates of the Caribbean where it's like; "Food turned to ash in our mouths." After you've gone through enough- your brain turns your emotions off to try to protect you. It's called emotional shut down among other things. It's unpleasant and weird. It felt like I was losing my mind for a long time. Sometimes, it still does. My suggestion is to talk to a therapist about it. I need to talk to a therapist about it for sure. Especially considering I can turn it on by choice now. But coincidentally, sometimes after I turn it on I can't turn it back off? And I'll spend like 2-3 days if not a week or so just stuck in nothing. Followed by everything. The everything and the nothing. It's as if everything my brain was trying to protect me from came to a head all at once. Like a volcano erupting. Then nothing all over again. Talk to someone. You need help with processing what is stressing you out or hurting you. Otherwise the cycle kind of just repeats itself until you've worked it out. I wish you much luck friend. You are not alone.
Thank you so much for this, for sharing your side too, and I hope you get the help you deserve.
@SOFFY9 new phases can be very confusing when you have all this mental health problems to deal with. I'm not sure if feeling numb is a good thing😕 it's definitely a welcome break, but not having emotions that would scare the crap out of me. I do believe when your ready to talk to your doctor/therapist about everything you just wrote here💖gives you a giant tiny hug💖
Thanks for this. Appreciate the hug 😊 I don't see a therapist, never been there hehe
@SOFFY9 it sounds like you are navigating through alot of emotions, that differ at times and it can be hard coping with that and also juggling deadlines. I really hope that you start to feel better soon and get through this, sending you best wishes and support 🥰
