Disgusted by myself and Despaired again.
TW: emotional distress, loneliness
Why am I so negative and depressed all the time? I’m so weak and cowardly. I hate that about myself.
It hurts deeply. I don’t feel like I belong anywhere. Something feels fundamentally wrong with me.
I’m unbearably lonely, the kind of loneliness that anything can’t soothe
I keep repeating the same mistakes, as if I’m stuck in a loop I don’t know how to break.
I feel like a stranger to myself. Disconnected. Numb. I can’t seem to feel love in its real sense only the absence of it. I'm just going to stay like this forever, I'll never change myself i guess. I'm so stupid, dump.
I just felt like venting; maybe it’ll help me feel better.
@Ailuraphilelove8tear9
You are not weak.
You are not cowardly.
You are honest.
You are expressing truly how you feel.
That's a strength.
You are kind throughout these forums.
Funny.
Engaging.
You make them brighter 😊
@Amanda84
I totally agree with what you said, Amanda!! ✨
@Amanda84 Thank you so must for your kind words, it truly touched me 😊💞
@Ailuraphilelove8tear9
A pleasure 😊
Ailura, you're such a lively and creative soul on cups, so seeing you struggle like this made me want to check in somehow. I'm really sorry that you are feeling all this—it sounds overwhelming, and anybody in your place might have felt the same.
I wanted to say that you don't have to carry this alone—and you deserve a lot more kindness than your thoughts are giving you right now. *hugs*
And um… if you’d ever prefer a calmer, private space to just feel heard—I’m around :)
I hope things get lighter for you soon!!!
@SafeEmbrace ✨ Thank you so much for your kindness…💗 it really meant a lot to me. Your words felt warm and comforting, 💖 and I appreciate you checking in. Truly, thank you. 💞💕
@Ailuraphilelove8tear9
“I just felt like venting; maybe it’ll help me feel better.”
I hope venting has helped.
If not—bring it on 😣!!!
I used to think (in regard to myself) that venting was a waste of someone else’s time and that I should just keep my mouth shut and bottle everything up inside. And then I learned from friends how important it is to release this negativity that can poison the soul.
When done earnestly, healing and transformation happens.
Further along in my experiences with life and dealing with my and other people’s “demons”, I realized that even when venting is done for selfish reasons and intentions (and I’m not referring to your post at all) we are still taken care of and heard. The point being, we are never truly alone despite how our minds do their best to try and trick us into believing otherwise.
I’m glad you decided to get this junk out 👏👏👏!!!
@FaithfulScout I'm so grateful for u for sharing this 🤗😊 it really helped me to see things in better.💗🌸
I'm a person who bottle it up everything with myself... i don't usually prefer vent out. i don't like being questioned and explain chaos what I'm going through or something. like i feel it worsen things even more. tbh... i don't let it out in person.... only but in Cups i feel safe, i see peoples who resonate with me, understand me Better, i get support, i don't judged here, especially most of the time. i won't be questioned so... i feel safe here to vent stuffs out. so, yes! like when i vent it all out... i feel better 😊
Thank you for your support 😊 it really means a lot 🌸💗