Distrust of Doctors
I need help with overcoming a general disdain for seeing new doctors and living life only to make it to another appointment. Let me explain even though this will be a lot to take on.
This began when my paternal grandmother passed away shortly before the pandemic. She was 92 but she had a hip fracture that was ignored by physical therapists and was worsened by her doctor's own mistreatment. I will never forget how unhappy my dad was for a year afterwards and I was affected also since I lived with my parents at the time and dad expresses emotions with intensity.
When the time came for me to pursue further treatment for my mental health in a new city, my parents expressed guilt over expressing themselves over my grandmother when I was reluctant to start treatment because of my grandmother, even for a few years after her departure. My retired doctor parents were likely offended. Thankfully my therapist broke through to me that my dad's feelings were not all mine to bear, and that my grandmother's life still continued spiritually through things like strong ties that exist in my dad's family. We are also about to gift some of my favorite cousins perfume bottles owned by my grandmother.
Other minor aggravations have involved needing to see numerous doctors before finally finding the right one for my needs. This has included being on my third doctor for depression symptoms and weeding out at least one other doctor for my seasonal allergies and for a special procedure done 5 years ago. My current therapist is by far the best one I have had, but it took two blunders with other counselors to find him. Even before my grandmother's passing I was worried about counselors and therapists since I am insecure with who accesses information over my physical and mental health and who expresses often judgmental opinions about these things. Looking for doctors is generally an annoying process that takes many months for me, even in 2026.
I quit seeing my current specialist for 2 months because she was sometimes clueless over my specific stressors. I was helpless for a bit when she recommended medications that weren't helpful for me and gave me unwanted side effects. But she has since earned my trust again after she found good solutions for my sleep problems. I realized myself only let doctors access things related to symptoms
But now I don't know whether I should see a doctor again in my current area for nighttime congestion I've had for 5 months now, which has left me fatigued during the day in addition to last year's events, which include quitting a bad relationship, attending frequent appointments and buying a house. I have increased my own efforts to treat this congestion but it comes back if I miss a few days of treatment or allergy meds. But I don't enjoy feeling like I'm only good for appointments, work, and major life events like staying single vs. dating and so on. As stated, looking for a doctor is a full time job itself.
Can you all give me advice over seeing doctors when it's necessary? How can I overcome last year's "appointment fatigue"?
@Sasquatch254
I'm sorry for all you've been through.
Easy to see why you would be wary.
It's hard to trust at times.
I would encourage you to just be honest with your doctor, ask any and all questions and advocate for yourself if you feel you are not getting heard 🧡
@Amanda84
Thanks so much! Wonderful to hear from you like always. I'm glad to hear understanding from you. Often times my parents have been impatient with me over being unable to resolve my grief as soon as them.
Speaking up was easier when I pretty much stopped sleeping for a bit and saw my psychiatrist again and my parents further equipped me with knowledge of things that help me.
Hopefully now that other things have settled a bit and I've been to enough appointments, maybe they mean something after all and I won't be baffled with handling doctors also. Haha
@Sasquatch254
Anyone who has had bad experiences with doctors it is hard to be open and not judging their ability.
I had a condition several doctors missed diagnosing and one even tried to tell me it was all in my head. It is not the approach most people take but I when need to see a doctor, I do my research and ask questions and push back if I feel dismissed. Like ANY profession there are great doctors / good dr s ......and clear down to really bad ones.
Like you had with therapists sometimes we have to try some out before finding a good fit. Waste of time and often money so I tell people up front what I am expecting out of the visit.
I once lived in an area that had lots of rain etc since things always seemed damp there was many allergens and people practically lived on allergy medications and decongestants. Is this a common problem in your area? Go in with list of how you have treated it and do not settle for them suggesting more of the same.
You are the customer and they are selling a service... making you the boss in the situation.
@toughTiger6481
Thanks for your reply! I'm glad to find someone in a similar position to me. My retired doctor parents have wanted me to be open with new doctors but they worked in medicine, and fortunately not me.
That was painful for you to have to live life misdiagnosed and I have felt similarly to you getting dismissed even by early attempts to improve my mental health. I have found new ways personally and at work to discover resources that I didn't even know about a few years ago.
Thanks also for asking about the allergy situation! Big time yes over recent allergens. Thankfully my area is known for heat rather than frequent rain but nearly all of my coworkers have been struggling with allergies for all of 2026, often expressed through snorts and coughs all over the office. Lol Plus I visited a recent in-store pharmacy that had its behind-the-counter meds nearly cleared out. My mom further confirmed how congested my city is because her local news listed my community as one of the most affected by allergies in the nation. Haha
Reframing doctors visits as me being like a boss helps too.