Emotional but Numb

At the beginning of the year, and throughout the past couple years things have been pretty difficult. I was doing better for a while these past few months though, my overall state of being much healthier than before but things began to get difficult again a couple weeks ago. I've been trying to power through, but I messed up. I took too many risks with something I really love to do and was penalized because it wasn't my best work. And on some level, I get that this is nothing to be upset about but I am so very disappointed in myself for messing up as badly as I did.

And I can't talk to anyone I know about it my rsd (rejection sensitive dysphoria) has been pretty bad these past few weeks and I feel like I will just be bothering people. I haven't even cried because of this situation until just now because I don't want people to go "Oh he's such a crybaby" or "he's over reacting again" so it's been really difficult to deal with and I don't know. I guess I just wanted to get this out somewhere with more anonymity than my usual places.