Feeling a bit hurt in a friendship - Am I overreacting?
I'm reaching out for some perspective on a situation with a friend from college. We have a great bond and always have a blast together during lectures, laughing and joking around. However, I've noticed that our friendship feels a bit one-sided at times.
I've asked him to hang out outside of college hours twice, but he's declined both times due to other plans. The first time was understandable as he wanted to celebrate his mom's birthday back in his hometown. This time, I'm assuming he has other commitments as well.
What bothers me is that he hardly ever calls me. In fact, our communication is mostly limited to when we're face-to-face or texting. The rare times he does call, it's usually because he needs help or has questions about college work. When we do text, we usually chat for hours, but it takes him a while to respond.
It hurts when I see him hanging out with others but not making time for me, despite us sharing a great bond. I know he's a social person and hangs out with many people, which is totally fine with me. I'm not judging him for that. However, it feels like he prioritizes spending time with others over spending time with me, even though we get along so well.
I'm trying not to take it personally, but it's hard not to feel a bit left out. Am I overreacting, or is it normal to feel this way? Any advice or similar experiences would be appreciated!
@Silverwillows8128
You're absolutely not overreacting what you're feeling is completely valid. When you put genuine effort into a friendship and it feels like it’s not being matched, it’s natural to feel hurt, confused, and maybe even a little invisible. You clearly value the bond you two share, and it’s painful when someone who seems to enjoy your company doesn’t seem to show up for you in the same way outside that familiar environment.
The fact that you’re not judging him for spending time with others speaks volumes about your emotional maturity. But even the most understanding heart can ache when it feels overlooked. It's okay to want reciprocity, to crave that feeling of being chosen too not just in convenient moments, but in the everyday stuff, the fun stuff, the “hey, I was thinking about you” kind of stuff.
It’s also really common to feel a strong connection with someone in a shared space like college, only to realize that the connection doesn’t always translate outside of it. And that doesn’t mean you imagined the bond it just might mean that your expectations for closeness are different, and that’s okay . You deserve friends who want to make time for you, not just when it’s easy or necessary, but because they genuinely care and enjoy your presence.
If you're ever brave enough to bring it up gently with him, that might bring some clarity. But no matter what, please remember: your effort, your care, your feelings they all matter. You’re not asking for too much. You’re asking for the kind of friendship you give , and that’s never wrong.
You’re not alone in this. So many of us have felt the sting of one-sided connections. But the right people the ones who see you and show up for you are out there too. Keep being your wholehearted self. The right ones will meet you there.
@Silverwillows8128
It is hard to not take personally when we feel left out or not included. Sometimes it is by accident and sometimes not. College age is a time for meeting many people and doing many things i have hung out with new people even though my other friend and i connected better etc. It is NOT a reflection on you.
Throughout life in the friends we encounter there will be times where one friend is trying harder to connect then the other is putting in effort . I have been the one making all plans calls text and been the other whom want to pretend i did not see text etc. i have had great connections that fade after we changed classes or workplace what ever we had in common and it never paid off trying to keep up one side of a friendship.
The realization is it was my choice to continue calling /texting asking to hang out then being given every excuse possible or stepping away and meeting other people. Include those friends who do not always hang out when they are available but not to shut ourselves down waiting for them to answer or show up.
@Silverwillows8128 awww honey friendships are hard work and with college years aswell being a huge factor🙁 your not over reacting at all 🙁 but the truth is people come in and out of our lives all the time due to just life changing. The best thing to do is to make as many great memories as possible while you can with each person who passes through our lives for that short while💖
Thank you for the reminder, Tiny… I needed to hear that tonight. <3
