From 'Let Them' to a Black and White Picture

Being a chronic people pleaser and trying to live with the let them mentality is one of the hardest things I have ever done, let me explain

I am the type of person that will move mountains for someone if they ask

I am the type of person that will do far more for others then I would even think about doing for myself

I will fly, drive, swim, run, growl, clime, hop and so much more if thats what it takes for me to be there for somone I care about

But I'm also tryng to live by the 'let them' mentality 

They dont want to be there for you? Let them

They want to throw pie at your face? Let them

They think your favorit color is yellow even though you have told them its lillac? Let them

They think XYZ about you? Let them

The last one is the one I am currently struggling with.

I disided I was going to use this approch when I relaized I was explaining every disition I have made to everyone so they undertand me and in result like (i guess) me or see me in a positive light

I was getting tiered of justifying and explaing myself

I also realized that I acidently started making dictions for myeslf solely based on how I thought I would be procived 

I cared about everyones opinion about myself accept my own

Opinions are like as holes, everyone has one that ish isnt important 

I was sick of caring so I Let Them think what ever they want about me

But I'm also a people pleaser so in certain situations a part of me, a big part, is screeming let me explain

It ruins everything becouse I no longer can function, I keep thinking of the explination or of the situation and I want to explain myself or give color to a black and white picture they see

Its almost suficatiing 

I ask myself why do I care so much, (I'm thinking of a spcific person and situation) why do I feel the need to explain, this person doesnt know me much all thyve known of me is as a caretaker and for the most part nothing more - so why do I feel like I must explain

Actuly as I write this I'm realizing I dont feel the need to explain, whats sufficating is how wrong the picture they have is, how wrong of an opionin they have based off a seemingly torn black and white picture

I dont feel the need to add contects or color to the picture, what hurts though even though its an incoplete black and white photo they have, they seem to think its the full pictuer and what hurts the most is relizing they realy dont know me enough to realize that they are looking at uncomplete photo

The funny thing is they want me to stay in the same situation, in a long-winded not direct but dirct way they asked me to do something thay may keep me in the same situation, one of witch I dont want to stay in. The question or statment wrather shouldnt have been said but thats another layer. They are asking me to sacrofise again. I've sacrofised all my life and I was going to do it again without being asked but to have somone ask me to do something that literally changes and effects my life and not do it on my own will and want hurts. Why would they want me to change my life like that. It makes me question if they care about me they way I want them to or if its all a facade. But they dont realy know me so can I blame them?

Anyways there comment/s made me spiral and took a dicent day and made it bad

I will say I think what it realy is, is that one of there comments tuch on a tuchy part of my life right now that I'm working through right now

Its like they pored bleach on an open wound, they pain is something you think about hours after 

I spired and it is what it is and I need to heel this wound and when the scar is the only thing thats remaining then is when I'll talk about it but till then its an no touch zone for me

I started writing becouse I was spiraling and needed a place to put my feelings to words, this has helped me relize that its not there opinon I care about its the topic and there ability to talk about something they know nothing about