Good intentions or silencing?
Oriya412
July 14th
I hate clichés that are said to a person in crisis
Not because they are necessarily wrong or unhelpful, but because they have become slogans that are thrown around and sometimes used to silence people.
The phrase "You are strong" also sometimes sounds like silencing to me. I know that it usually comes from good intentions, but the hidden message may be that it is most convenient for us not to break down. It is most convenient for us to shut up.
And when they say "It will be fine," who can really guarantee that? Does anyone predict the future? Or maybe it is simply a way to reassure ourselves because we have nothing real to say in the face of another person's pain.
I do believe in the power of positive thinking, but it should grow from within the person themselves, from the process they are going through, and not be something imposed on them from the outside.
It's like telling a person who broke their leg, "Just stand up, believe that you can." Or telling them everything is good when they can't even walk. Does that really help them? Of course not.
The phrase "It will be fine" also sometimes misses the point. Because those who are hurting now aren't looking for promises about the future. He needs someone to be with him in the pain of the present.
Ultimately, it is important that we remember that we are human. And human beings are meant to feel. Every emotion, pain, anger, disappointment, fear or joy, is legitimate. It does not make us weak. It makes us human.
So you are allowed to feel. You are allowed to cry. You are allowed to be angry. You are allowed to ask questions. Don't silence yourself so that others will be more comfortable.
I hope the day comes when people feel free to simply be who they are in a society that listens before it answers, that includes before it preaches, and that understands that sometimes presence is worth much more than any slogan. (By the way, I think we all use them sometimes, haha, but I wish we would try to be instead of fixing, to really be present in the need of the other and not just in our own comfort.) Feel free to share with me what you think or experience here or in a private chat 💛
Amanda84
July 15th
@Oriya412
You make some great points 🥰
It's important for people to be able to freely express how they feel.
Without being dismissed.
Or their feelings explained away.
Sometimes they've been strong for so long, they just want someone else to carry the load with them even for a few seconds 🩷
Rhiannon65
July 15th
@Oriya412
I think many use these phrases because they don't know what else to say. Some people are comfortable with other's emotions.
But it doesn't validate the person's feelings. Sometimes people just need you to listen. You don't need to offer any advice, just listen with empathy.
To know your feelings are legitimate and allowed let's you work through your feelings and learn from them.
1 reply
*aren't comfortable
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