Got fever and feeling lonely. Miss brother or others to lean on.
If I had problems I could talk about them to my brother. And I could talk about them to my friend. But I can't lean on to anyone now. I don't know what is this place, it feels dark and heavy, so isolating. I have developed really bad skin problems and gained so much weight. Carrying this heavy burden is so difficult, I use food to reduce some stress. I wonder if I have done this to myself, by stopping reaching out to people. Or was it the right thing, because everyone kept rejecting me. My brother doesn't care about me anymore. It's such a hard feeling to lose people who cared about you. He's still alive, I'm just not the priority. Today because I have fever, I can think about these things without losing it. Maybe the paracetamol is helping with pain. Other days if I think about this I can't stand on my ground, I feel intense pressure to leave home but my work isn't prepared yet. I can't concentrate on studies, it's so difficult to study math with so much trauma and current stress. I wonder why I do this to myself, why can't I have an easier work. Then I see this could be my only way out of here. Studying math is so hard with past trauma. but I'm betting my next step toward a better life on it. It would be really nice if someone reads and tries to comfort me maybe. Thank you.
It also really hurts that it's been about 6 years here and I still get drowned in waves of breaking stress. Stress keeps coming in many ways and forms. I can't manage the stress and I can't forgive myself for not having any better environment. I can't forgive myself for being hurt by people living in the house.
@seashell145
I feel so nice after reading this, it helps me put my thoughts down and validates my pain.
I'm new to this website, so if there's any mistakes I'm doing, sorry about that.
Anywho, I'm in no place to speak, but I'd like to if that's alright.
Heya, I'm sorry you're in a rough patch right now. Sounds tough what you're going through but I'm glad you've made it this far. You're a whole lot stronger than you'd think, at least in my eyes. Being here now in itself is a milestone. I don't know what you're going through but if you need it, maybe we can talk. Otherwise, a path to improving yourself's always going to take a committed first step. But.. having friends to cheer you on never hurts. In light of that, even if we don't get to know each other, I'm rooting for you. Even if it takes ages. That's how it was for me. Every little inch per days, weeks, and if I lose my progress after a month, well, I can still try again. Again, again, again. So long as you can keep trying, that's the first real step toward it. The next is keeping a routine and staying true to it. By the way if you try this, the second step I mean, no pressure if you lose progress, that's part of the process anyway. So long as you keep trying even by tiny bits. I'd love to write more but I'd be repeating my words. So, hey, tldr I'm rooting for you. Sorry you're in a tough spot but I hope you can take small, tiny steps toward a path suited for you even if it takes a long time. Everyone's got a different pace in different situations. So don't fault yourself if you fail, cause you're who you'll live with for a pretty long while. I'll be here, cheering you on.
@Arrowtic
Thank you so much arrowtic. That was really kind of you. Thank you so much <3
@Arrowtic
Hello, this is my listener id. You can text me in this id if you're interested. Since my seashell id is member and your id i member too. you can message in my listener id.
