Grieving A Heart That Still Beats
My grandmother had a stroke in 2023. I lost her that year not because she passed away, but in a way that hurts just as much. She's still alive, but after the stroke, dementia took over… and it changed everything.
She doesn’t see me the way she used to. She treats me like a stranger sometimes even worse. There's so much anger in her now, so much distance. It breaks me. I can’t even be around her for long it hurts too much.
She doesn’t want me near her anymore, so I’ve stepped back. She has others to care for her she’s safe but I’m grieving someone who’s still breathing.
I just want my grandmother back. The one who loved me. The one who knew me. But she’s gone, and I don’t know if I’ll ever see her again.
@Lindsey103
I'm really sorry you're going through this. Losing someone you love in this way is so hard, and the grief is real, even though she’s still with you physically. It’s okay to miss how things were and to feel heartbroken about the changes in her. That mix of love, pain, and loss can feel so heavy.
Dementia can change people in ways that don’t feel fair—you’re not alone in feeling lost or rejected. You’re trying your best, even if all you can do is love her from a distance right now. Give yourself grace for needing space. It doesn’t mean you love her any less.
If you want to talk more about her, or what you miss, I’m here for you. This is a really tough kind of grief, and you don’t have to carry it by yourself.
@Zaxoosh
Thank you so much for this… it really hit home. It’s such a strange kind of grief missing someone who’s still here but just not the same. It helps more than you know to hear that it’s okay to feel all of this. I’ve been carrying so much guilt for pulling away, but your words reminded me that love can still exist even from a distance. Thank you for making me feel a little less alone in this.❤️
@Lindsey103
I’m so sorry. This is such a really hard situation. You’ve always loved your grandma and she was probably always there for you. I assume you had a great relationship with her.
Yes, it is possible to grieve a beating heart, a living person. Your emotions aren’t wrong, they are valid and completely legit. Really. You’ve lost the connection you had. The conversations, the hugs, the words, the laughter...everything you shared. She’s not the same person you used to know and it’s not wrong to be sad about this loss.
Dementia is unfair. Not just for the person who has it, but also for those around them. It’s unfair for you. It took away the loving grandma you once had. You say you want your grandma back, and that’s painful to read... But she’s not gone. She’s still there.
The person who is rejecting you, pushing you away, treating you like a stranger... that’s still your living grandma. I know it’s hard to see her like that. And you don’t have to. You don’t have to change your sadness or force yourself to live with her now as you did before. That would be impossible.
Maybe try to step back a little. The loving grandma didn’t disappear. She didn’t change. It’s the dementia that took over. Deep down, inside that person, there is still love for you, care for you. There’s still your sweet grandma. She’s just fighting a battle that is really hard and often impossible to win.
But please know that doesn’t make your pain or grief any less valid. Your grandma’s heart didn’t change. You’re still her little sweet grandkid whom she loves unconditionally. She would never hate you. And she will always live on in your heart and memories.
Please know she has never stopped loving you. Never. If she could, she would hug you right now. Unfortunately, dementia is a monster that hurts so many people.
You can cry, grieve, be angry, and be sad. It’s all okay. Give yourself time. Maybe talk about it with someone because feeling this way is very common. People are often scared to say it out loud because they worry it might seem like they don’t love those people anymore.
You’re not alone in this, trust me. You don’t have to carry it all by yourself. It’s too much to carry alone❤️
@Yulianaxxp
Thank you so much for this. Reading your words made me cry in a way I really needed to. You understood exactly what I’m feeling, and that means more than I can say. It’s so hard watching someone you love slowly slip away while still being right in front of you. I miss her so much the way she used to laugh, the way she always knew what to say. But you’re right... it’s not her fault. It’s the dementia. And somewhere inside, she’s still my grandma. Thank you for reminding me of that. I’ll try to hold onto the love we shared and all the memories that still live in me.
@Lindsey103
I get you. As people age... they change. It doesn't even have to be because of dementia. It's just the process of aging, of getting sick... and it's not pretty to watch or to get used to. It's painful, but it's still something we all experience in some way... but no one talks about it enough. I wish you strength in this <3
@Lindsey103
keep hope my dear
and I'll keep you and her in my prayers
@tryinglittleaudrey
Thank you… it’s been so hard watching her slip away like this. Your prayers and kindness mean more than I can say❤️
@Lindsey103 I’m sorry that happened to you and your grandma. It’s hard to miss someone you love and them not doing the same back because of what she’s been through. I know how it is not being loved back to how it was. Sorry if this didn’t make sense I hope I didn’t say anything bad. But you’re not alone, I thought my mom loved me but now I’ve opened my eyes and things have changed. Change is the biggest struggle.
@aquaLunch6828
Thank you for sharing that with me. It means a lot to know I’m not alone in feeling this way. Change really is so hard, especially when it comes to people we love. I’m sorry you’ve had to go through that with your mom too. It helps just knowing someone else understands.❤️
@Lindsey103
That's very sad, 🫂
@Lindsey103
Sending you all of my thoughts. This is truly tough and I can only imagine how the shift has been so significant and heartbreaking for you. Remember all of those beautiful memories. She is still the same person but unfortunately it seems like the stroke, dementia and everything she has experienced has brought lots of suffering for your grandmother and all of you. Despite this change, remember all of the love you both shared as it is still there. Please keep reaching out.
@LisaMeighanMScGMBPsS
Thank you so much…This has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to go through. Watching someone you love slowly fade, even though they’re still right in front of youit breaks something inside. I try so hard to hold onto the memories, to the love we’ve always shared, but some days it feels like I’m grieving someone who’s still alive. Still, hearing this… it reminded me that she’s still my grandma, and that love didn’t just disappear. Thank you truly. ❤️
