Hmmm…Grief or breakup

I had my last relationship about 6 years ago now. 

I KNOW it’s something I need to figure out, deal with, whatever the case may be. Finds closure, peace, let it go…. 

Trust and believe when I tell you it was no where near perfect. Did we have good memories? Fun times? Absolutely. 

I didn’t want to be in a relationship because of past experiences and hurt. I took a leap of faith and fell for him. We lived together about a year. He was my support when my sister passed. I think that’s a huge piece of it. Plus, his family really took me on and showed me love. 

He had a dark past that crept up on him and lead him to lies and betrayal with lead us to separation. We both still checked in with each other, see how things were going.. I truly only wanted the best for him. 

I left work one day and could’ve sworn I saw him walking down the street. I slowed down and it was not. It was at that point I realized it wasn’t. I got home, looked him up and saw his obituary. 

I reached out to family and sent my condolences. 

Sometimes I have reminders of him. They’ve been a lot lately. The thing is, I don’t if I’m still upset over the breakup, especially considering I didn’t deserve what he did. Do I not have closure because of the death? Am I just grieving both? How do I leave him in my past where he belongs?