How can I be happy amidst chaos? Please empathize
Can you imagine something that made you suffer greatly and empathize with me to understand that I’m not ok like you weren’t?And then I will tell you that amidst this chaos I cannot make a gratitude list and stay positive. Like a listener said. Can you imagine the nauseating helplessness? The godless heart, and nihilistic sense of alienation.
The music has no melody. Food no taste? Nature has no colors. Nothing is funny. I feel no love. Nothing looks beautiful. I am unable to be selfish. I am unable to be a chooser and refuse something because I’m scared of nothingness. So much clutter. I accept people of any type because I’m scared of loneliness. I allowed vampires and I allowed monsters. To be drained. And to be injured, eventually. I’m highly educated, but I have failures. Big ones. A failure at 39. And I have no energy ANYMORE to try again. Millions of attempts. The sky is empty. The earth is chaotic. I’m terribly unwell. Friends help? They are just contact numbers., I am staying stoic. But lately I needed support. Because I hate abandonment but I feel like abandoning life. However I have few responsibilities. I must endure this but I fail. I am just a failure. I reached some people and they just want something in return from my empty self. Not a single friend received my call or met me without a motive, I’m empty you see?. So I am writing here. There is something in my heart that I want to share, but with who? Untold story is a killer.
I'm sorry that you are going through such difficult times alone.
Sometimes it really is hard to see the hope amidst all the darkness surrounding us. And yes, this world can be a cruel place.
In such a dark mental space, it can be really hard to find interest in anything. And it does happen that we allow people to hurt us because we want ourselves to feel something. Anything.
However, a lot of times people start treating us the way we treat ourselves. You deserve a better mental space. It's understandable that making a list or thinking of a future goal can be hard for you at this point. But, your baby steps matter. 💛
It's okay to give yourself rest and it's totally okay give yourself some space to think. Your untold story matters too. For someone, out there.
You matter.
And I hope someday you're able to see through this darkness and find the sun.
And I see you. I hear you.
"Held captive by the darkness yet you crave to be touched by the light not knowing the light is you."
Sending hugs and healing your way. ☀️
Thank you so much. I really appreciate that you responded to my misery with compassion and empathy.
I am still in the dark, but as you said, baby steps are needed. I started meditation and also gratitude list at the end of the day.
I'm proud of you! ☀️🌱
Just keep going. You don't have to be perfect. Right now maybe you just need to survive through it till you find the energy to bring yourself back completely.🌸
I wish you luck. 💫
@Yougotmyback
Thank you so much