I am missing something
Ok so a listener, well meaning, reached out thought they could help me ...... i appreciate that... i chatted with them but seriously Did NOT see their point ....not that i saw it and disagreed ..... I did not see their point.
Many years ago there were things i think were called pin art a bunch of dots that inside was a picture of something ... a boat / a dog etc...... i almost never saw the object .........people would say focus here or look close look away and snap back whatever .... tried it did not see the boat..... so i found it was easier to say "Oh yeah i see it " i do not think this was helpful to me teaches you to lie and not see what is missing.
I am blunt at times and people may take that as rude or combative but i really am not ..... i reached out and told this Listener who contacted me ..... (I have a regular listener ) that i was trying to give the idea some thought they told me we could talk tomorrow and BAM their chat thing disappeared and i may be blocked .... OK not a big deal
But i still do not see their point so maybe someone else can explain the general idea of forgiving others for past offences ...... why do i Need that for ME and how does it help? I feel as i have forgave people and i literally feel no different ......see no peace or whatever i am supposed to feel or see.
When so many say you NEED to forgive NOT for them but yourself ...... what does that mean? ... i let go of what ever i was bothered by in that person forgave them ....... but feel nothing in myself ......... i guess i expected the way it has been explained to me that like giving a gift or helping someone you feel good inside .......
@toughTiger6481 I didn’t get the forgiveness thing either, and I think lots of people don’t get it. I once had a coworker that really made me mad. It really messed with my peace of mind at work and also I unprofessionally expressed my anger which kind of got me in trouble. Afterward I learned that most of my anger was because the guy did things that violated what I thought were the “clear social rules.” Everyone at work also didn’t like how the guy behaved. So I had anger that was “socially justified.” But since this anger had some costs (peace at work and getting myself in trouble) it was worth it to figure out how not to be so affected by the situation. So I stopped being so angry at the guy - in a sense, I think this was “forgiving” him. It was my attachment to the “rules” this guy violated, which were just my (and my coworkers expectations) that really was the source of my anger. Yeah, he DID break the rules, but so do people who jay walk, exceed the speed limit, etc. I don’t get upset about them, so I could “forgive” the rule breaking in exchange for peace of mind. And it was actually a huge relief. At first anyway. I lapsed into not forgiving him for a short time, but then re-forgave him.
@hopefulPond6108
Thank you for the response and i too can see your example explained.... how that would effect you if it ended up causing you grief in getting in trouble etc...... if you have anger and letting others bother you .... makes sense ....
although is annoying IMO to pretend ( ignore) it is OK when others do NOT follow the social / basic rules simply so you are not outraged .....but whatever....
If something is NOT bothering me but others feel it must be........ am i supposed to forgive for them to feel i am OK or something?
because i had anger i let it go does not bother me daily or anything i only speak of past when telling a background type story and some feel i must be livid and living in denial about anger ... Nope sorry it is not a big deal why should i make such a pretend forgiveness process to feel the same as i do now.
I tend to look at it in a fool me once principle, anger is a normal human emotion, the cliche being "it's how act upon it" is so true.
Anger is also an indicator that we need to evaluate our reality, recognize greater clarity for our situation.
I looked up "the dress" saw that before and i guess it is suppose to say there is no one answer depending on your point of view
i get that ............i just do not see the many cliches end up helping people unless they just believe it does and bury their true feelings seems like playing with dynamite as it will explode on something else perhaps even more trivial.
@toughTiger6481 Yeah I don’t think I explained well enough. It’s not about Believing in something false or denial of your feelings. This is maybe a way of seeing our feelings in another perspective. It may seem off topic at first but maybe it will make some sense
@hopefulPond6108
good examples in his speech and makes more sense thank you .....
@toughTiger6481 You’re most welcome. Wishing you happiness this holiday season and a wonderful new year.
Blind forgiveness I find to be unhelpful. To really forgive someone I think it takes to know thy enemy, understand their motivations and perhaps acknowledge the circumstances as uncontrollable elements of the universe.
However I like to say "forgiveness is not an invitation for manipulation." Don't let thosw who've wronged you continue to exploit you.
@miraculousParadise2759
i agree with you- how do you forgive with out knowing the whole thing and motivation seems like an invitation to be walked on again.
i do not fully understand the concept some people have on forgiving ....... perhaps if it works for tthem i am just trying to see if i am missing something in this idea.
@toughTiger6481 I don't know if this is even accurate, but it's my feeling that forgiving someone helps because then they're not living in your head rent free. Like if i disagree with someone's attitude, say, and whenever I see that person, I'm bothered by their attitude probably a lot longer than the time I'm in contact with them. Then they're living in my head rent free. Particularly because they probably don't even realize how I feel, or if they do, they don't care.
But once I forgive someone, it's almost more of an acceptance, and then I'm no longer bothered. I alleviated the negative energy in my life (regarding that situation). I hope that made sense.
And just because I forgive or accept something about someone doesn't mean I have to like what I forgave, condone it, or tolerate it.
My problem is I can forgive, but I never forget. Which can be problematic sometimes, as with trust. Maybe that's the essence of the "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me" mentality? Cuz I have both.
🐻
@blueAngel00
i think you are right ..... these items i spoke with to a listener are items i feel i moved past they do not take up head space of in my thoughts but they do not get a DO-over either..... that chance has been shut.
i just wondered as i tend to write sarcastically some people miss that and assume i am serious.... which of course may sound alarms in their head but i do not think i am holding myself back without peace etc for not encouraging the excuse for everything mentality we live in today.
