I don’t know anymore
Lately l've been having a hard time trying to figure out what I wanna do with my life. I used to be a teacher and loved it, but then I started to hate it in the end and I just quit. Then I don't know if it was my family convincing me or if I just didn't have anything else to go back on, but I decided to go back to school for cosmetology and I started in March. I think I kind of quit. And I had all these plans to go do an internship at a salon that everybody keeps telling me to go to because my friend works there and she wants me to be there, but ! don't know if I actually wanna be there.
I don't know if cosmetology is what l wanna do with my life. I don't know what I wanna do with my life. All I know is I'm insanely happier at home being with my son than an actually working. And I know it's not an option for me to stay home and not work because my husband is taking care of all the bills and the money in just everything like that and I feel bad that he's busting his butt all day and I don't even know what I wanna do with my life. But every time I start a job or I'm out all I can think about is wanting to go home and be here with my side of my husband. Nobody else. I just don't know what to do anymore.
I don’t think I’m happy with cosmetology and I don’t know how to tell my husband that without making things more difficult for him. I mean, he’s the one paying for everything since I don’t have a job and I don’t even know if I wanna do this. I constantly feel anxious while I’m working with somebody and I don’t think I’m that good but I already put so much money into it. I don’t wanna disappoint him, and I don’t want to disappoint everybody else that told me to do this. I don’t know why I keep putting myself in these situations. I just don’t know what to do anymore.
@considerateTiger4402
It's ok not to have a grand plan!
Or have it all mapped out.
It's important what you want not anyone else!
I understand why you want to be at home with your son, you don't get this time back.
You seem to have a supportive and hardworking husband, it's important to talk honestly and see if there's anything remote you could do or at least talk the options through!
Being a mother means everything!
I hope you can find a solution that makes you all happy!
💜💕
@considerateTiger4402
I think our real happy finds us...... did you become teacher on a suggestion or because you thought you would like it... so many people chase careers / jobs out of what they think it will be like....... i have had many jobs i chose to be a temp and found i often liked ones that i really was not interested in at first.
I can understand the hesitancy to tell spouse who has been paying and or feeling like you are letting those around you who supported you in the effort. Staying if you do not like it out of obligation seldom works either.
I think I became a teacher more because I loved working with kids and having that freedom to teach the way I wanted to show them the love that they deserve. But since I’ve had my son, I Feel weird or even a little guilty for working with kids and spending my whole day with Them and not my own son. And I don’t know if I’d go back to teaching I feel like every time I don’t know what I’m gonna do with myself. That is just my back up and I apply then I hate it and I quit and I’m stuck in the same position over and over again. I just don’t know what to do with myself and I don’t want all this money to go to waste when my husband works so hard you know.
@considerateTiger4402
I think I can relate. I studied to become a teacher and loved my students, but I could never hold onto a position. I would try different careers but always returned to teaching. Among the 9 therapists I have seen over my lifetime, only one was perceptive enough to say this to me, “I think you want to be a father rather than a teacher.”
Not too long after working with this therapist, I left teaching behind and slowly shifted my focus from finding a job that I loved—to—a job that would cover the basic needs of me and my wife. I ended up in a temporary office job that led to a permanent position. 2 years later, when my wife and I were ready to start a family and my company had no advancement opportunities for me, I left that company and got another office job, this time as a manager.
After my first few weeks, I hated this job 😠
But with a new baby, I was hesitant to just quit. Through different channels I met some people who were willing to mentor me. Although what I sought was a way to get out of this miserable job ... what I received from these mentors were insights about myself and about life. I ended up staying at the company until my children entered high school. The extreme hatred of my job cooled down to a persistent dissatisfaction 🙁
However, I do not regret any of the time I spent working there.
If any of my story resonates with you, then I will be happy to continue the conversation in a Pen Pal thread. Thank you for taking the time to read, and I truly wish you well 🙂
Hi, if you want to chat more let me know!
@considerateTiger4402 Being a housewife is a job as well. But having financial independence is a good thing to have. I would suggest right now go with the flow. Don't be under confident . It's all the game of confidence. No one knows better. No one is expert. I mean even after having degrees people don't know the basic. It's just the confidence like Yeah I know. So right now just complete your course.
@considerateTiger4402
First of all: your feelings are valid and very real. You're not alone on this journey—I myself experienced burnout a few years ago and am still recovering. I worked at a university, advising students as my main activity, in addition to the other duties I'd accumulated over the six years I was an employee.
I specialized in educational management at that time and I also couldn't make an agreement with the university - as I would have to do it with the manager of the unit where I worked (my main reason for wanting to leave there).
Eventually, I quit my job and moved back to a city I no longer wanted to live in - and I was the main breadwinner for my family. My wife gave me judgmental looks and wasn't exactly understanding at the time.
Anyway, my specialization was completed with a project on how the Ikigai technique could help young people graduating from high school to choose careers clearly, and I decided to apply it to myself. I decided to move into an area in which I have no passion or interest - certain that work should only pay the bills (and in this case, the minimum wage is higher) and that, if I'm going to do something for love, it should be a hobby, because the risk of losing interest is too great *in my case*.
