I don’t know how to deal with my parents any more
Hi, my name is Just and I‘m 15 years old. I wanted to ask for advice about how to deal with my parents. I’ve always been rather silent when I got in trouble, means when my parents got angry again. They get angry a lot and like to show me what I did wrong in a rather unfriendly tone. The problem is that both of their parents didn’t know how to raise a child in a healthy way and my parents haven’t quite figured that out (yet).
My problem is that I am very scared to contradict them in any way as soon as they get angry. When I was younger, it worked really well but now I realize that it is really unhealthy as I can’t stand up for myself, even when it comes to them invalidating my identity and myself as a person (I diagnosed myself with autism, long story short, they don’t believe me that I am autistic but completely accept my siblings as autistic selves). I’ve been working on my self esteem lately and it’s pretty good by now (it’s not there in a loud and obvious way but it’s there).
My questions are:
-what can I do to overcome my fear of talking to my parents about subjects that most likely make them angry
and
-how can I learn to stand up for myself (and please don’t say positive affirmations, the y don’t work on me:))
Thank you all for your answers my friends, I hope you are having a wonderful day<3<3<3
@JustMeUwU
Hello Just!
Given that parents are supposed to be a support
system, I can understand the need of wanting to talk about subjects that are
important to you. It must be hard not to do so. When it comes to overcoming
your fear of talking to them, maybe it would help to brainstorm some
approaches. Such as writing a letter so it feels less confrontational. Or
talking to them separately, so it’s not as scary facing them both at the same time.
<3 Additionally, I feel setting boundaries are a big part of standing up for
ourselves💛
@innateJoy9602 how can I set boundaries without seeming disrespectful so that they respect my feelings?
@JustMeUwU
That's a great question. From my experience, it helps to keep a respectful tone. As well as staying cool and calm. For instance, if they get upset, all you can do is control your own response. Also, keeping it simple or starting small. Pick a small number of things to address, such as the one that is most bothering you and focus on that.💛
Hi, as someone in a very similar situation I really feel for you, I have Asperger's and struggle communicating with my dad in particular due to anger issues. I'm on a big self care break (I listen here too) but seeing stories like yours today has made me realise how passionate I am to care for people and help them and to care for people, and so, to help them.
Take care.
Rachael
@StressedGirl thank you Rachael for your words <3
Chat is always open if you wanna vent! we're all here for you.
