I feel so betrayed
TW - past crisis behaviour
So first I want to mention that I’m currently in professional care and am not suicidal at the moment. I just need a place to vent and get a different kind of support/perspective on my situation.
I sent goodbye messages to people and when I woke up because the pills didn’t do what I wanted them to, I realised that one of my friends just had blocked me everywhere. I tried to call him but he just told me that he will block my number now as well.
I went inpatient after this experience trying to deal with the distress this caused me. My friends didn’t know where I was, the police couldn’t tell them as well because I asked for it to be a secret. I just got told that they messaged him letting him know that I’m probably not alive anymore because they thought I went through with it and he just blocked them as well. He blocked them after being told I’m dead!!!
at the moment I’m not sure how to recover from this. I trusted this person and they just abandoned me when I would have needed support the most. Blocked other people after being told I’m dead. How do you recover from something like this?
I don’t know how to trust people at the moment. There’s only one person left I’m talking to, to the rest I broke off the contact because I’m scared something like this is going to happen again. I have nightmares and cry a lot or feel nothing at all. Everything just feels too much and I’m trying to think of myself but all I can ask myself is: What did I do to deserve something like this?
I always try to be a good person. Am there for people, treat everyone with kindness and love wherever I go. Why are there people constantly coming into my life and hurting me in the most cruel way possible? I just want to figure the situation out but I can’t and my mind is spinning constantly.
thank you if you read until here. I just wanted to get that off my chest.
@SelaviexI'm truly sorry to hear about the struggles you've been facing and the pain caused by someone you trusted deeply. It’s courageous of you to share your feelings and seek support as you navigate this challenging time. Here are some steps that might help you begin to heal and regain a sense of stability:
Prioritize Your Healing: You've already taken significant steps by being in professional care. Continue to prioritize this care and openly discuss your feelings and experiences with your therapist. It’s okay to focus solely on your well-being right now.
Create a Safe Space: Surround yourself with things that bring you comfort and peace. This can be a physical space like your room, or a mental space through practices like meditation or listening to soothing music. Let this space be your sanctuary where you can feel your emotions freely.
Journal Your Thoughts: Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be a therapeutic way to vent and process emotions. This doesn’t need to be structured; simply let your feelings flow onto the page. This can help you understand and articulate your emotions better, reducing the intensity over time.
Build a Supportive Network: It's understandable to feel hesitant about trusting others right now. Consider joining support groups, either in person or online, where you can connect with people who have faced similar experiences. This can help you feel less isolated and more understood.
Set Boundaries: It’s okay to take time for yourself and say no to situations or people that don’t feel safe. Communicate your needs and boundaries to those around you, especially the one person you still talk to. Setting these boundaries can help rebuild your sense of control and safety.
Explore Creativity: Engaging in creative activities like drawing, painting, or writing poetry can offer a non-verbal outlet for your emotions. This can be particularly helpful when words feel inadequate or overwhelming.
Acknowledge Your Strength: Remember, you have survived 100% of your hardest days, and that’s no small feat. Acknowledge the strength it takes to face each day, and try to recognize the small victories, even on tough days.
Reframe Your Self-Dialogue: It’s natural to question "Why me?" during times of betrayal and pain. Try to shift these thoughts to more empowering ones like, “I am worthy of kindness and respect.” This can help change the narrative from victimhood to survivorship.
Your path to recovery might be gradual and nonlinear, and that’s completely okay. Healing isn't always a straight line, and it’s important to be patient and gentle with yourself through this process. You deserve to heal, to trust, and to find peace again. You deserve happiness, not this anxiety. Remember, people care about you.