I'm lost and I don't know what to do
So let's start with how a long term dream of mine for a scholarship to work out got shattered upon even the second attempt, despite me pouring my years and efforts to make things happen. But besides that, I'm currently in a long distance relationship, no time difference, same country, she's younger than me and well, she was the one who sought this relationship before I did, I fell in love so I thought why not figure out things together? Things in fact went to *** because she's okay with going on with hours of no contact, coming back with vague details of the day or barely any. Its not even about being away for hours but the fact that I never know when it would come. Now it's not like I don't have things going on in life and despite it somehow I'm able to still make time however I feel like it's not the same on her end. I brought it ip once, she apologized, said she will change. The change being her giving updates about the day which barely felt like we communicated and much rather felt like I was a status update social platform. The only reassurance I get is that I'm loved. When earlier, she would sit with me on calls, hear me out, or write these words of affirmations to make sure I know I'm valued. Things were brilliant in the beginning, I was given extensive expressions of love and what not and now it's like I'm waiting on my crush to text me back when they see fit. I'm exhausted and she keeps feeling hurt over me never feeling reassured enough but what do I even do? I don't feel the change, I just don't. I get her life is chaotic, I try to understand it but when will there be any space there for me? Why can't I get the bare minimum of communication now when earlier she couldn't go on without calling me each day? I suggested we take a break but I was the one who folded and said I made a mistake by suggesting it to which I got told "No, you have a life outside of me" and that made me feel like ***. Because she may have said that with the lines of how she doesn't want me to end this in the same rush that I announced it to later regret but it felt like a slap across the face as though, I'm the only one who can't live without the another. I keep feeling like I'm being misunderstood.
Would like to add how it's day two of the break and any "attempts" of trying to be there for me are out the window again because she's back to ghosting me for hours now. It makes me regret everything.
@sunsthetical I can see the pain behind your message and how much you love her but you deserve the same back and you shouldn't have to beg for the basics, you shouldn't be ghosted, kept out of the loop or made to feel like you are being irrational, the honest truth of the matter is, no matter the time, the distance, the business or the chaos of life, if someone wants to chat to you and be there for you, they will be. I think you deserve to receive the same energy that you are putting in, to see your worth and to be someone that sees you and you dont have to second guess. I genuinely wish the best for you and I hope you find your happiness 🥰
@sunsthetical This might be a long read, but I hope it helps you:
I can feel how much you're carrying right now, and I want you to know that everything you're feeling is valid. The disappointment, the emotional exhaustion—it’s all real, and it makes complete sense given what you’re facing. Let’s take this apart slowly, gently.
On the Scholarship:
It sounds like this was something you'd invested not just time, but heart and hope into. And when something you’ve worked so hard for doesn’t come through—especially not for the first time—it’s more than a logistical setback. It cuts deep. I hear in your words a kind of grief, and maybe even a moment of wondering whether your efforts have even mattered.
But I want to reflect something back to you: your work does matter. Even if the outcome isn’t what you hoped for, it shaped you. It brought you closer to who you are and where you’re going, even if it doesn’t feel like that right now. You're allowed to mourn this. You don’t have to minimize it or explain it away. It was real, and it mattered, and you're allowed to feel gutted.
On the Relationship:
I really hear the ache in this. You’re not asking for anything unreasonable—you’re asking for stability, emotional presence, and the kind of communication that makes you feel seen, not just tolerated. It’s frustrating and hurtful when you try to express yourself with vulnerability, and what you get back is defensiveness, guilt-tripping, or vague gestures that don’t lead to meaningful change.
And you’re right—it’s not about how busy someone is. It’s about how they choose to prioritize emotional effort. What I’m hearing is that the dynamic between you two has shifted. It feels like you’re adapting to her rhythm while your own needs go unmet—and that’s so draining. You’ve already extended grace. You’ve communicated, you’ve compromised, you’ve shown up. And still, the emotional investment hasn’t been mutual.
Her comment about you having a life outside of her—maybe it was meant to sound mature or helpful—but I can imagine how invalidating that felt. You didn’t need a reminder of your independence. You needed to feel like she still had space for you—for your feelings, for your presence.
And now, it seems you’re stuck in that painful space where you’re trying not to seem “too much,” not wanting to walk away, but still feeling alone within the relationship. That kind of emotional limbo can be more exhausting than a clean heartbreak.
So, where does that leave you?
From what I see, it might be time to state your needs clearly and without apology—not as demands, but as truths. If she’s able to meet them, that’s great. If not, that’s also information. It’s clarity.
And this question you’re asking yourself—if nothing changed, could I be okay in this six months from now?—that’s not selfish. That’s self-honoring. You’re allowed to ask that. In fact, you need to.
Retracting the break wasn’t a failure or a sign of emotional immaturity. It was an act of care. But if she responded more to the threat of loss than to the reason it was brought up… that says something.
You’ve been told you’re loved, but you’re not feeling that love in a way that nourishes you. And you’re right—love that doesn’t bring comfort, safety, or presence begins to feel like a performance, not a partnership.
You’re not being unreasonable—you’re being emotionally available. You’re showing up. And if someone can’t hold space for the depth of love and loyalty you’re offering, that’s not a reflection of your worth. That’s a reflection of their readiness.
