I'm so hopeless, I don't know what to do
Hi everyone, I hope you're all doing well, anyone reading this. It's my first post here so I'm a little anxious.
I would like to share a little of how I feel.
I won't share much of my personal information, but I am a girl. I'm in my second semester of college, and so far I'm doing very well.
The thing is, about 5 years ago I started to develop low self-esteem. But it's something I was able to control. But over time, everything got worse. I looked for support from my friends and other people and those things.
Everything was going well. But about 4-5 months ago I started to suffer from something similar to anhedonia. My life has always been one of constant stress because of the fear of disappointing my parents with my grades. I developed gastritis at an early age.Well, getting back to the topic of my supposed anhedonia, I feel weird. I'm being honest. I feel bad and very weird.Before, (I mean about a year),I was a very compassionate and emotional person. I spent a lot of time playing my favorite video games and characters, enjoying my hobbies and spending time with my friends. A lot.I have always been a good student, daughter, and daugther. I was passionate about mysterious things and magical, medieval vibes.I had a talent. Yes, I did. I loved drawing since I was little. I have an art account on ***, but I haven't posted anything there for a month.I feel hopeless. For a couple of years now I guess I really was suffering from depression.
Nothing matters to me. I stopped talking to many friends. I have a void in my chest. I can't cry the way I'd like to. I've never been completely happy for long in my life. I'm always going from here to there. I've always felt like I'm weird. I'm not happy with myself. The last few months have been about getting through my day to day life.
I have a music playlist. I loved that music and it made me feel things and feel good, wanting to fight for my passions.
But now I don't feel anything. I listen to them and I don't feel anything. I've been looking into this a lot and I think it's "emotional burnout".
But I'm not interested. I don't want to go outside.
I miss how I used to feel. With my tastes and my passions and the things I loved.
I used to have a lot of projects with my art and stuff like that.
I've tried to convince myself that I'm supposed to grow up.
But adults are also happy and feel things, right?
I guess I've ruined my life with my pessimism. I'll never feel anything again, I think.All my pleasures for which I fought three years are not worth it.I have been looking for new interests in case you are wondering. Yes, this year I discovered a sport that I love and that did not affect my other interests. But now I no longer feel that spark when I watch my favorite sports.
I can't really talk to my parents for help right now because they are in a difficult situation with their jobs. And I can't get a therapist at the moment...
I miss my video games, talking to my friends, enjoying my art and my favorite characters.I miss my emotions.
I miss being sentimental.. I miss everything. And I blame myself every day.. it's hard to cope with all this.. for all these years.. All these four years of holding on and thinking that the next day will be better. All those nights I cried because I wished I wasn't here.All these years doubting everything.
I've been miserable.I'm the oldest sister, so I don't want my little brother to go through what I've been going through. My chest hurts. I feel lost. I feel bad.I don't care about myself. I miss everything.
That's all.I don't feel well enough to give more details. I'm sorry if you read all this and thank you for reading it. Thank you for your patience and your valuable time.I would appreciate if anyone could leave a comment if they could. Just wanted to share this. Thanks
and have a nice day.
@Zae1
Hey Zae, What happened, you can talk to us and you can share whatever you are feeling right now.
@TheCalmKnight
Hello, how are you?
Thanks for replying.
I really don't know what to say, I'm so sorry. I've already tried to explain my situation a bit as I said in my post, but I've tried to cope with my life that way and move on.
Sometimes it's hard because I can't enjoy those things and those special moments like I would like, And even more so now that Christmas is almost here. That bothers me.
Sending a hug
Hi Zae just checking in on you wanted to make sure you were ok. I hope you were able to enjoy your weekend. Also just letting you know that I care and wanted to check on you. :)
Hello @wjglory, how are you?
Well, I'm the same. A busy week with activities at my university but I'm still the same:(
Thank you for your kindness and patience and for caring about me. How are you? I hope you have a nice day. 🫂
@Zae1 I am doing well about to head to a meeting I hope you are having a good day so far and that you feel well. Sending good vibes your way hopefully they bring joy to you today.
Zae I hope you are doing well. Yesterday was a bad day for me just don't like being used. Hopefully today is a better day for the both of us.
Hello 😺
@wjglory
I'm so sorry :( are you okay now? Hope you have a nice weekend. I send u a hug
@Zae1 Hug received and appreciated :) I am doing a little better thing about depression is that it lingers around and strikes when your guard is down. I try to keep busy and be a good friend, strangly enough I helped a friend find a sublet and that helped me feel better.
Hello again 😺 @wjglory
I'm glad. Distracting yourself is good. Remember to take care of yourself too. I hope you have a good weekend. What would you like to do? I hope you recover soon.
@Zae1 Well I have a few errands to run this weekend and I will continuing on my book. What are you doing this weekend?
@wjglory
Hello
Good luck with it☺️ What is your book about?
Nothing, continue with my homework. I don't know what to tell you, so I hope you have a good day/afternoon or night🫂😺
@Zae1 My book is a memoir of sorts about my last job. Its told through the employer through an interview. I just went for a walk about to do some writing good luck with your schoolwork take care of yourself please.
@Zae1
Just chatting really helps. You can also get help on the growth path. It includes short and calming exercises that help you grow stronger. I recommend taking one step a day. Let chat
Hello @Hoyinlola214
Thank you for writing and for your kind message. How are you?☺️
@Zae1im good
@Zae1
No worries brother....have faith ,for faith is a super power.
Zae I hope you are having a wonderful weekend I wanted to check in you and make sure you are doing well. Haven't heard from you this week so I was just wondering.
Hello @wjglory
I hope you are well
Well, the truth is, I'm still the same and I still feel confused about what I really have.I'm just getting through the day, but I haven't improved at all, I think I may have even gotten a little bit worse. But don't worry 😺❤️ I hope u are ok 🫂🫂hug
@Zae1 Sorry things are still tough over there. Just know I am in your corner and hoping each day that things get better over there for you. Take care sending all the hugs I can over towards you.
Good morning Zae Happy Monday I hope the weekend was kind to you. It is Thanksgiving week here for me so I will be busy getting food prepared. Hope you have a great day just checking in on my great friend over here:)
Hello @wjglory
I hope you are well. Good luck on your Thanksgiving week, I hope the week is not hard.
A hug for you, thanks for keeping an eye on me🫂
@Zae1 You are welcome I will always check on you to make sure you are doing well. I have all the food ready for Thursday hope today was a good day for you :)
Hello @wjglory how are u?
@Zae1 Doing fine my wonderful friend how about you? How was your weekend? I hope your weekend was nice
Hello 😺 @wjglory
I don't know how I am..I'm on my final assignments for college so I'm a little busy. I'm glad you're okay
@Zae1 Best of luck on your assignments I am rooting for you over here. Weekend is almost here so let's end this week on a great note!
Dear zae I can understand how you are feeling at the moment,but your situation can be changed,you can practice a few things after that you will feel so much better. First of all you can do meditation, mindfulness meditation and transcendental meditation for 10-15 minutes morning and evening. Then you can do deep breathing exercises like pranayam. And then you can do basic stretching and other exercises like yoga or anything you like for at least one and half hours each day. All these things are not just for physical strength but mental health also because you will feel more relaxed and increase your concentration level. Because your brain releases so many happy chemicals like endorphins during exercise. And it reduces the stress and anxiety as well. Trust me your anxiety and stress will be drastically reduced by doing all this. Then secondly practice gratitude and positive affirmations. That will greatly help you. Believe in your self and God. You should also try to develop a good social circle like a having a few friends would help to share your feelings and emotions. Don't be a loner. Develop a bond with your parents and brother. Even if you are not able to share your problems now but you will be able to share them at a later stage. Read good books try to become a better person and have a mentor in life someone who is senior and a female like a teacher would be good
Hello @azureStrings1729
How are you?
Thanks for the advice. I hope you are well.
I'll try to do something about it.. but it's very difficult.
I mean, I feel like I'm okay. But at the same time I don't know. I just exist
Thank you for taking the time to write those tips.
Have a really good day 🥰🫂
@Zae1 As I turn the pages of life, sometimes words emerge that uncover the stories hidden deep inside me. These are the stories that are not shared with anyone, nor do they find their way to my lips. But inside, in some corner of my heart, these stories shout, cry out, and demand answers.
Hello @merlin007
Thank you for sharing your words... they seem like they were taken from a book.(In a good way)
I'm so sorry you feel that way. You don't deserve it.
But I'm still glad you took the time to write all this.
I don't feel like myself. I don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe I'm okay. I feel normal. But sometimes I cry because of the way all this happened.
I don't know if my emotions are here still or not. Everything started to decline without me being aware of it.I've always been weird.I don't even have faith in my religion anymore.I don't know what I have. I just feel fine and normal sometimes.It doesn't mean I'm hiding my emotions, if I can't even feel them...
Although I know that at the beginning of this year I was much better and I was happy and I was in the best stage of my life, feeling my emotions and an incredible compassion for things, in my "inner world"just like you said.
Your reflection on life and yourself is very nice to read. Thank you for sharing it
And thanks in advance again for writing. I hope you have a good month and weekend. Take care, okay?
@Zae1 As I turn the pages of life, sometimes words emerge that uncover the stories hidden deep inside me. These are the stories that are not shared with anyone, nor do they find their way to my lips. But inside, in some corner of my heart, these stories shout, cry out, and demand answers.