I need help with my bsf
Okay so, I met my best friend originally in 6th grade. We stopped being friends because she had a crush on me and kind of started changing herself to be more like me. When I was younger it made me really uncomfortable. She’d start changing herself style, room, aesthetic, wanting piercings I had, wanted whatever I had basically. I didn’t want to just cut her off—but it disturbed younger me so I did.. I met her again in July of 2024 and she’s genuinely so sweet. She treats me the best out of any best friend I’ve had and always hypes me up. There’s just been a few strange things here and there..
First, when we had our first sleep over at my house she said many times “you’re so pretty, I’m so jealous of you,” “I’m jealous of you” and stuff. The first time I didn’t really bat an eye but she said it way more and it made me feel weird, like she was judging my body and not my personality because every time it was about how I look.
In later July I found out she had an older brother, by this time me and her were really close and everything was going good!! Her brother is and was FINEEEE to put it gently and so I wanted to shoot my shot.. She acted like she was 100% okay with it and was my main encourager so I went for it one day!! It was really well and we’ve been dating for almost 7 months now.
Since I’ve started dating him she’s acted weird. I am NOT the kind of girl to get a boyfriend and start treating my best friend bad or stop talking to her. Absolutely not. He wouldn’t even be okay with that because he’s her brother so I thought I was safe from all of those situations, turns out I’m not?
I’m creative and love making gifts where I write thousands of words for my boyfriend. Normally the subject is how handsome he is, how much I love him, our future together..etc! Sometimes I’ll tell her my idea and ask for help/inspiration to try to include her, she replies with “why would you do that for him” or “you should be doing that for me” and it feels weird in my gut. She’ll also text him acting like we aren’t including her or like it’s an inconvenience for me and him to hang out alone. She says things and it makes me feel like she’s trying to control me in a way? My bf has BPD, a lot of my family and friends were and are mentally ill/have disorders like BPD, bi polar, NPD and stuff so it’s never been something I’m blindsided by or unused to. But stuff she does makes me feel like I’m an FP to her sometimes. She doesn’t call much but when she does I always pick up, she still gets jealous if I’m calling him. She’s also had complete mental breakdowns because she was scared I’d abandon her for him in the start of me and his relationship. It happened quite often, I’d always reassure her and tell her it’s okay but looking back I think that may be unusual.
She also talks bad on him a lot. Even before we started dating. She’d say things like “oh well..he has bpd and xyz happened in his past” and when we started dating and I’d tell her anything she’d be like “oh well remember when he did __ and made you cry?” honestly it feels like she wants us to breakup sometimes or wants me to see him as bad.
She doesn’t say she feels like I’m getting between her and her brothers relationship, she says she’s scared of him getting between me and her relationship. Some things she says sounds like she’s dating me. I’m straight, and would NEVER judge her for having a crush on me again but acting like this gets to me sometimes and upsets me. I love them both. She’s my best friend and he’s the love of my life.
They both treat me well and I just want to stop them from arguing how they do. My ideal situation would be all of us getting along and being able to do stuff together. They don’t like seeing me when they’re together :/
They fight for my attention when we’re in a setting together and one of them ends up with their feelings hurt and I feel like I just can’t win.
My mom’s childhood best friend and current friend has BPD and when I told her all of this she said it sounds a lot like when she was her FP, I just don’t know yk? I could be exaggerating but it FEELS weird so I’m trying to listen to it.
