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AnonismJade
4 427 M Embraced 3
PathStep 81 Compassion hearts28 Forum posts7 Forum upvotes15 Current upvotes15 Age GroupTeen Last activeApril, 2025 Member sinceApril 2, 2025
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I yap

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I need help with my bsf
General Support / by AnonismJade
Last post
 April 7th, 2025
...See more Okay so, I met my best friend originally in 6th grade. We stopped being friends because she had a crush on me and kind of started changing herself to be more like me. When I was younger it made me really uncomfortable. She’d start changing herself style, room, aesthetic, wanting piercings I had, wanted whatever I had basically. I didn’t want to just cut her off—but it disturbed younger me so I did.. I met her again in July of 2024 and she’s genuinely so sweet. She treats me the best out of any best friend I’ve had and always hypes me up. There’s just been a few strange things here and there.. First, when we had our first sleep over at my house she said many times “you’re so pretty, I’m so jealous of you,” “I’m jealous of you” and stuff. The first time I didn’t really bat an eye but she said it way more and it made me feel weird, like she was judging my body and not my personality because every time it was about how I look. In later July I found out she had an older brother, by this time me and her were really close and everything was going good!! Her brother is and was FINEEEE to put it gently and so I wanted to shoot my shot.. She acted like she was 100% okay with it and was my main encourager so I went for it one day!! It was really well and we’ve been dating for almost 7 months now. Since I’ve started dating him she’s acted weird. I am NOT the kind of girl to get a boyfriend and start treating my best friend bad or stop talking to her. Absolutely not. He wouldn’t even be okay with that because he’s her brother so I thought I was safe from all of those situations, turns out I’m not? I’m creative and love making gifts where I write thousands of words for my boyfriend. Normally the subject is how handsome he is, how much I love him, our future together..etc! Sometimes I’ll tell her my idea and ask for help/inspiration to try to include her, she replies with “why would you do that for him” or “you should be doing that for me” and it feels weird in my gut. She’ll also text him acting like we aren’t including her or like it’s an inconvenience for me and him to hang out alone. She says things and it makes me feel like she’s trying to control me in a way? My bf has BPD, a lot of my family and friends were and are mentally ill/have disorders like BPD, bi polar, NPD and stuff so it’s never been something I’m blindsided by or unused to. But stuff she does makes me feel like I’m an FP to her sometimes. She doesn’t call much but when she does I always pick up, she still gets jealous if I’m calling him. She’s also had complete mental breakdowns because she was scared I’d abandon her for him in the start of me and his relationship. It happened quite often, I’d always reassure her and tell her it’s okay but looking back I think that may be unusual. She also talks bad on him a lot. Even before we started dating. She’d say things like “oh well..he has bpd and xyz happened in his past” and when we started dating and I’d tell her anything she’d be like “oh well remember when he did __ and made you cry?” honestly it feels like she wants us to breakup sometimes or wants me to see him as bad. She doesn’t say she feels like I’m getting between her and her brothers relationship, she says she’s scared of him getting between me and her relationship. Some things she says sounds like she’s dating me. I’m straight, and would NEVER judge her for having a crush on me again but acting like this gets to me sometimes and upsets me. I love them both. She’s my best friend and he’s the love of my life. They both treat me well and I just want to stop them from arguing how they do. My ideal situation would be all of us getting along and being able to do stuff together. They don’t like seeing me when they’re together :/ They fight for my attention when we’re in a setting together and one of them ends up with their feelings hurt and I feel like I just can’t win. My mom’s childhood best friend and current friend has BPD and when I told her all of this she said it sounds a lot like when she was her FP, I just don’t know yk? I could be exaggerating but it FEELS weird so I’m trying to listen to it.
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I miss my dad
Trauma Support / by AnonismJade
Last post
 April 4th, 2025
...See more He’s caused every last bit of my trauma. He’s every bad flashback, why I fear most men, and why most nights I wake up horrified and hyperventilating. But I miss him, I miss the dad he brainwashed me into thinking he was in my early life. Who he was when I was gaslit. I thought he was amazing even if it hurt. Idk. I wanted a relationship with him but he started gaslighting me again. When I get older and brave I’ll tell on him. But for now I’m safe with my mom, and safe away from him even if the little kid in me wants my dad.
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I feel like reaching for help is futile
General Support / by AnonismJade
Last post
 April 10th, 2025
...See more No matter how hard I try to get help or how many signs I show no one hears me. It’s always blamed on stuff like my boyfriend by my mom or me just not trying enough. My boyfriend makes me so happy so I know it isn’t him, it isn’t my best friend or my mom, I just don’t know why I’m struggling. All I know is I’m exhausted and it’s only getting worse. I’ve barely gotten out of bed the past three days and there’s no sign that I’ll have energy to get up anytime soon. Even typing this is draining.
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Uhh new here 💔🙏
General Support / by AnonismJade
Last post
 April 7th, 2025
...See more Hii yall..this will probably be just yap about anxiety/deppression Don’t feel like you need to reply !! important info::: I’m safe, I don’t see my bio dad anymore and went no contact recently!!!!! (Pretend I’m shaking in fear of being judged) So my parents divorced when I was a few months old. I have 3 siblings on my dad’s side and six on my mom’s. 7 brothers and a sister. One of my brothers was put up for adoption before my mom met my dad because he err didn’t treat his ex very well and she wanted to protect the baby. I did public school in kindergarten-1st grade. I got pulled out of first grade because they were trying to hold me back due to me being one reading level behind. Then my mom did “unschooling” till 5th grade. Although I was unschooled I didn’t struggle much academically!! Soo, that’s a positive! From early ages I’ve experience social anxiety. When my biological dad would take me anywhere I’d be scared and constantly hide behind him or just go completely mute. I had my first panic attack after recently having experienced a traumatic event when I was around 8. When I was 8-9 was the early start of depression. I didn’t get out of my room much unless I was told to and I didn’t really take care of myself unless someone else did it for me. When I was ten and more independent I didn’t ever leave my room unless I was told. I was in 5-6th grade at this time. I did virtual with meets so I barely interacted socially. I was on *** a lot, barely showered, didn’t brush my teeth AT ALL, wouldn’t change clothes, etc. I had so many absences and work to do at this time. I had at least 100 missing assignments..and that’s at LEAST. Seventh grade I got minorly better. It was only because I had gotten into a relationship and wanted him to think I was good and clean. I only took care of myself when he could see me, but it got much worse after that due to how he treated me and how it ended. I was so attached to him he lied and said he cheated three times just to get me to leave. That’s bad on me for not letting go, but he didddd love bomb me so I’m not sure how to see it. We were both young so I forgive him for everything that he did.. even if some of it wass not great Now I’m in 9th grade. I’ve noticed that the only times I truly take care of myself is when 1. I’m seeing my current bf whether that be FaceTime (which isn’t often) or in person 2. If it’s the 2-4 days out of the month I have any motivation. I don’t have any disorders and I’m very apprehensive about saying I might for whatever reason even if I show signs for a lot. I usually just use being diagnosed with ADD(adhd) as an excuse. A lot of people in my life close to me have said I could have bi polar, autism, BPD… the list goes on and on. But the list being so long and so many people saying different things or similar things confuses me and makes me feel like if I have so many symptoms of so many things then I must have nothing, right?? I’ll not shower or brush my teeth for a week. Not change clothes, barely do any school, have little motivation to talk to anyone, be irritable, etc. but then there’s those golden days where I’m FINALLY deep cleaning my room, doing a ton of school, showering, brushing my hair and teeth, and happily talking to everyone. I don’t even get irritated when my mom asks me to do something. It’s also like I’m less irritable/sensitive. But sometimes anxiety will hit if my mom’s acting weird or if someone says something that I don’t like that could lead to me being in any kind of trouble and it sets me back. My mind will start racing and my heart will sink over small things and then I’ll start the continuous sleeping..and other stuff. I’ve also started pulling out my hair? I’ve always picked at things. Before when I was little I’d run my hands through my hair for hours on end and not be able to sleep. Then it was picking at scabs on my head, then pimples/blackheads, then now it’s any dry skin (I have eczema) and pulling my hair out. Idk what that’s about but I refuse to be bald, my hair is my entire personality. That’s why it’s so weird to me. I’ll space out and suddenly 30 hairs are gone?? Idk how to stop or how to redirect it.
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