Is that burnout?

Hello, 

I've been feeling extremely drained of energy for a few months already. It started last summer when the crazy working schedule, minimum rest between the shifts, and a horrible, loud neighbor who didn't change anything despite several warnings, caused me sleep deprivation. Also, let's add stupid people at work. I was snappy, nervous, lonely, and broke down in tears while stomping in my flat, trying not to break something from rage. Meanwhile, there was loud laughter in the flat under me. The situation changed over the months, and I felt amazing around the Christmas period and the first 2 months of this year. Full of energy, satisfied, and happy, I proceeded in my training for the career I've dreamed about for a few years already. There was a possible work upgrade and I applied, but I wasn't selected despite having experience and not being completely stupid or young as the candidates who got selected. I saw it as an opportunity to grow and improve financially to proceed in my training for my dream career. But it was taken from me, and I am stuck in unhappiness and indifference. 

I don't care about anything anymore. I just go through the day, let the hours pass without doing anything productive. At work, I still do my job, but it's on autopilot. I'd rather run home and hope not to talk to anyone on the bus, because I am so drained. (I work with many people per day, often solving stupid requests or facing rude customers who think the world belongs to them). If the workplace were set on fire, I would just shrug my shoulders and call it a day. 

Colleagues are also a tragedy. We now have new joiners, all being 18-22 years old. Besides having no manners, they are also lazy, and you can't talk to them about anything deeper. Also, as I work in a different country from my hometown, the language barrier exists. I can have a conversation, but very basic. From time to time, you find someone talkative, but I can't maintain conversation as I soon feel empty and hard to stand on my legs or think. My brain shuts down, and I just want to close my eyes and rest. I'm sure this caused a few negative reviews in the post-duty evaluation. 

When it comes to relationships... another tragedy, but it's been like that my whole life. Not many locals want to speak English, and I'm exhausted of shallow chats which remind me of a job interview. When I address this, I get blocked or ignored. Of course, some men want to meet and are constantly asking me out, but I can't force myself to go out. Because this means I have to get out of my flat, where there is silence and where I don't hear or see anyone. And I don't want to waste my time on someone who will still ignore me a few days later, or I will not feel any chemistry. 

When it comes to the training, which I enthusiastically participated in earlier...I stopped in February. Initially, I said to myself that I would just have a tiny break to regain energy. I've been resting for 5 months. I read books, watched shows. And it didn't help. As the deadline for taking the exams is approaching, I realized I am not rested. In fact, I don't want to study it and continue. It's too much, my brain is refusing to even read the questions or study materials, and I end up blankly staring at the laptop for minutes before I wake up and realize I am supposed to study. The only reason I am doing it is the price. It costs thousands of dollars, and it looks like I threw it out of the window. And it's only the beginning with the easiest topics. I can't imagine how I am supposed to do it for 13 subjects, where books are 600 pages long. I am also at the point where I just think: "Whatever. I don't care if I am stuck at this low-paid job forever." But when someone talks about the perks of my dreamed career, and how not tired they are... I feel stupid for leaving it behind and not working on myself to be something better than I am now. 

What has occupied my mind for the last weeks is writing. I'd like to write some books, and during the time I was supposed to study, I was editing a story I once wrote. A few weeks ago, I came up with a new story. I used to draw ideas or sketches about it, did research, and created the characters. Just anything except studying for something that was so expensive and everyone wanted me to accomplish. 

I tried a company-paid therapist, but she didn't help me at all, as she didn't know how it works in my company. Generally, I felt a bit better when I could name the things which bothered me at work aloud, but it helped for 3 weeks. It didn't erase the emptiness/numbness/indifference I feel for anything. And I also noticed I started drinking more alcohol again.  

And I don't know what to do, how to force my brain to study and not just read the books and create my own stories, because I have a stupid deadline in 2 months. And how to finally stop feeling drained as *** only from the basic conversation.