Mental Breakdown

I just had a mental breakdown, the last time I had a mental breakdown was 2 months ago when I was told that my cat had died (I wasn’t around when it happened), I’m still trying to process that grief, but today was too much, I’ve been struggling with emetophobia since I was in the 4th grade, but it’s never been as bad as it has been the past month and a half, I’ve been doing better for the past 2 weeks but today I was so scared to eat my breakfast, one of my safe foods, when I took a bite I got an anxiety attack thinking my body was going to reject it and I was terrified I would gag or thr*w up, I know it’s just one time but since then I haven’t been able to eat anything besides half an apple I felt like I was back to square 1, and I was starting to worry that I might be developing ARFID, Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder, the thought of that possibility sent me to tears because I already have so many mental issues that I feel like I’m crazy and I’ll never be normal… that’s when it sent me spiraling into a mental breakdown, I have GAD, OCD, emetophobia, currently dealing with the worst loss of my life (my cat meant the world to me), all these thoughts started rushing in my head and I’m not suicidal or have tendencies but I couldn’t stop thinking about it being too much for me to handle, I couldn’t take it, the thought of regressing back to when I couldn’t eat anything for days because of my stupid phobia was too much, I’m going to therapy for this now, but I just don’t know if I’ll ever get better, I feel hopeless, I feel like a burden to my boyfriend, his family, my family, I feel like I belong in a psych ward, I wish my anxiety didn’t ruin my life, it will sound silly on paper but I just want to enjoy food again, I don’t know what’s wrong with me that the most essential task to humanity felt impossible for me today, I know I’m rambling and I don’t expect many people to read this, I just felt desperate, I want someone to hear me and tell me I’m going to be okay even if I don’t believe it. Thank you for reading if you did ❤️