Missing who I was
TW- abuse, ed, car accident, bullying
Good morning beautiful people !! Im having a medical episode (im ok i promise just nerves and dizziness acting up) and I saw this video
https://youtube.com/shorts/1NTgIHJUD5Y?si=25dRJ37_nB6VHXf5 if its unclickable, its a video about gymnastics. I got really sad to see it. When I was 5 and 6 I was a competitive cheerleader. I was a part of a national championship winning team for that year! (not my age group, we came in 2nd). I ended up having to quit because my mum got in a car accident, shes ok but driving me everywhere became too much. i kept doing gymnastics though. Right when I was 8 I started competing. I was invited to join the national championship winning team, since my vault scores were insane and they needed a vaulter. This was right around the time the abuse at my home got really bad. Ive never actually shared this before, and its really hard. My mom was in a bad spot and she was trying her best but shed have periods where she was super mum snd awesome but also periods where she screamed and yelled and checked out and broke swiffers and hit me. My older half brother was also getting more and more violent with me. I was struggling physically, often times not wearing proper shoes to gym so I could take the 0 so I could sit out because my body couldn't handle it. I quit right before my national championship would've started. I was 10. I was labeled unathletic, and being a smart kid I was labeled the kind of reserved smart type. I tried volleyball, but because of head trauma, I just couldn't. Anyway lets fast forward a few years. I moved across the country from my half bro, my mom is on meds and rarely has outbursts anymore. My recent trauma scars were healing and I felt I just needed a physical outlet, so I joined soccer. It hurt. I was overweight, and I had old damages that were never properly healed. But it also felt so damn good. i Trained and trained and trained (god I'm actually crying writing this) and I got good. I got good. And then that fateful day, October 9th I believe, 2021. I was almost dome with my first season when I got stepped on. Ended up going to my dr and she referred me to an orthopedic dr. We got me inserts and I was in physical therapy, for what was a sports injury. He also mentioned I had high arches. Fast forward to the next may. I had been through some *** recently but was loving soccer and everything it was doing for me. I was in a healthy weight zone, I was stronger. Then I got stepped on again. This lead to more orthopedic dr visits, another pair of inserts. This is now last summer (2023) foot still hurts but wr live. I started running, only a mile or 2 a day. My ed got real bad and my dr said I didn't have it in me to run anymore. Then my orthotic dr told me i cant run, possibly ever. And remember those slightly high srches? Turns out its a huge issue. Im pigeon toed, I have super high arches that only get worse, snd nerve issues, to name a few. I need surgery if I'm ever going to walk normally, if it even works.
Im honestly just really sad. I miss running, and life. I miss competing and being good. I am very proud of myself, as i am very smart hehe and i am a musician but i miss running. I love it so much. Before my orthopedic dr said no more running me and my bf agreed to run a race together this September. I don't think i can do it. It breaks my heart. I didn't ask for this. Im really struggling right now, i just miss me.
@AvyIsKing 😞 when I was rescued, and learning life, being 18, 19, 20, 21. I just wanted to look like other girls, he able to do what other people my age do. And it's such a hard, depressing thought, so I hear you😞 it must be even harder for you cause you could do it and now cant😢 I'm so sorry sweetie. But there are other things great, amazing, fullfilling wonderful outlets. They may not be what you really want and miss, but perhaps make a list of interests and outlets, that you can still do ❤ good luck with everything sweetie ❤ remember I love you ❤
@Tinywhisper11 i love you too ❤️❤️ and you might not be like other girls but you are one of the prettiest people I've ever seen 🥺🥺❤️❤️
@AvyIsKing
hi i totally get where you are coming from. i got a huge sports injury because of running and i miss it so much. it was a freeing experience away from everything. i've recovered from it but i'm still so scared to run sometimes because i'm scared of the injury doing something again. i understand the feeling of frustration and i hope that you can recover enough to run little jogs. some doctors say that you can't run every anymore, but nothing is impossible. if you put your mind to it you can! little baby steps yk.
i hope you feel better and can do things that you love. take care <3
@steph8402 oh gosh. I'm glad you have recovered, I understand the fear ): I hope i can too honestly
i believe in you! you can do whatever you want to do(:
@AvyIsKing you are so strong, reading your post…you are just so strong. Do you know how hard it is to keep going when life is just so dark? You wake up every day and you continue to do your best every day, that’s the best we can do! Some don’t even have the energy to be the best, they’ve given up but you haven’t. You are so strong, so talented, so smart from when you were young. Look at the strength of your words, knowing who you are and what you love to do. Spend more time doing these things, you will find peace in them. I’m rooting for you, and the relationship you are in. Stick close to your support system and those who love you. You’re a sick gymnast, musician, athlete and young woman! Keep going, know that I am rooting for you! We feel alone a lot of times, but a lot of people are going through the same things we are. We will win, victory will be ours 🏆
@treyydeucee
Thank you, this really honestly means so much. Reading your words brought a huge grin to my face 🥺❤
@AvyIsKing you are so welcome. We are here for each other, to lift up each other! Continue being who you are, more smiles to come! Keeping going 🌹
@treyydeucee
you are so sweet ❤️❤️🥺🥺
