Need help to figure out what to do
I want to break up with my boyfriend. I’m (33f)an autistic person dating a neurotypical person (24m). I own 4 houses and I do all the house keeping for 3. My father is elderly and can’t clean. My mother takes care of her home and I live in one with a roommate that is also neurodivergent. I also recently purchased a house to stay with my boyfriend part of the week. I do repair at two of the houses frequently and work on them all day. Plus I take care of many animals. My boyfriend sleeps all day and stays up all night either playing video games or going to hang out with his family. I am financially supporting us and I work remotely. He has cleaned the house once since moving in and expects me to do all the cooking and cleaning when doesn’t work. We have been arguing a lot about me not cleaning the house as much. I do all the errands and grocery shopping as well as the laundry. I also usually do all the dishes even though I rarely get to use them. He complains that we don’t have sex enough and generally not keeping up with the house work at the house he lives in. I used to keep things that were specifically mine food wise that I ask him not to eat or drink and he does anyway. Then complains if I eat or drink anything that he just happened to pay for. I by the majority of the groceries and don’t get to eat very many of them. I don’t know how to go about this break up because I just don’t see our relationship It’s going anywhere. I feel like I put in all the effort. We’ve been together for two years and while I love him I just don’t see us having a future. I feel like the little effort he puts in is just when I’m on the verge of breaking up with him. His family is kind to me and has accepted me and I love his nieces and nephews. And I don’t want to lose them. He conveniently forgets to invite me to family events even though his family usually expects me to be there and I don’t find out about them till afterwards. How do I go about this? I feel upset, depressed and stressed out all the time from basically supporting three households by myself.
How do I either fix my relationship or break up with him?
I’m so sorry. You must be stressed and feel taken advantage of among other things. Relationships are not a way way thing. Both people need to have similar investment if they are to succeed. It sounds like you just need someone to confirm what you are already thinking. Evaluate what makes you happy in your life. Does the inclusion of this person add to that happiness or take away from it. Are you affraid of being alone? What is the reason you have put up with this nonsense from someone you love? Do the good qualities outweigh the bad or vice versa. I will tell you this. Never lie to yourself. You know what you are willing to deal with. When you lie to yourself and try to accept more than you are willing to, you become resentful and bitter. Life is not meant to be lived with bitter resentment for people. It’s time to do what your heart and mind are telling you to do.
i hope this provides some insight for you. I wish you nothing but the best, after all, you deserve it.
colin❤️
@Thepaintedone I would sit him down and say, “This is not a hotel and I’m not the maid.” It’s a relationship and he should be really grateful for being taken care of so well. If he is not capable of understanding how lucky he is and how as a boyfriend he really isn’t showing you he cares, he might be better off seeing what it is like to do without your attention and care and the roof over his head.
This seems challenging. But ultimately you don't have to explain everything to him. Just tell him that the relationship isn't working for you, and give him a certain time to leave the house (EG, two weeks or one month). Then tolerate him until he leaves. Keep it simple and try not to take the difficulties personal.