Need to get this off my chest
I'm just so..confused? And very very sad. I always love myself a lot, and recently I've been going thru some changes. I'm questioning my identity, that i may like girls.. so there was this girl I considered a very good friend of mine.. I'd also fallen for her, and she honestly always gave me strong romantic signals. But then one day, things changed. My gut told Mr leading up to this day, that things wud change.. so yeah I found out that she didn't like me in that way and at first I felt very hurt..I wanted to get away from. Her. But then I realised I wanted her in my life, but with strictly platonic boundaries. I dodnt know what that wud look like. But I took a risk and for the first time ever, I confessed romantic feelings to someone..it was so scary, but I always wanted be by my side, and decided to choose my peace. And it went..better than I expected. She said she was very happy, she liked me as a friend and respected the platonic space boundaries I'd set. I was genuinely feeling good. And even if it was hard, I stood by my stated boundaries.. but now I don't know. I feel uncertain whether she Eben wants to be my friend. She's always been kind, never disrespectful or hurtful to me, yet all my energy gets wasted in this, even after the conversation.. I don't do this much overthinking with anyone else in my life. And I can't pinpoint what but something feels off in my gut again. I want to stand myself and honor my gut feeling. But I still can't help feeling confused. My other 2 very good friends wud be supportive but after all this I'm already in a massive vulnerability hangover, and I rlly don't wanna tell them.. I was prepared from whatever response after the boundary setting, but I didn't think things wud be so confusing after it. I just wanna cry. I'm unsure abt everything. Unsure abt this, unsure abt my new therapist.. I remember how pain feels like..and I think part of me wants to run away from it and part of me wants to purposely delve in the pain, if that makes sense? And my life is so much bigger than anyone, but I just feel..so lost and sad.. I rlly can't open up irl to anyone rn and honestly I wasn't gonna come here and talk abt this either but I decided to anyways.. it feels amazing to hv a support system that's there for me, but now I just feel suspended in the mix of half-pain, half no pain,?? That dies feel weird.. also she canceled on a grp hangout, idl if it's bcoz of me..I feel like, I just need more data over time right?? But on the other hand I'm done with uncertainty, I took a risk doing that convo, and that was supposed to give me the answers!! I just need comfort, validation, support maybe clarity rn??😭 pls someone help me..
@reservedVase8999
Your doing fine and we're here to support you!
All your feelings about this is valid, sometimes someone influences us more than others and we can find ourselves thinking about them more than others.
We're proud of you here for getting actively involved in these situations and trying to get your needs met..
You are great and special and you know you deserve to be happy..
Good luck on your journey 🌲
Thank you for your support ❤️ it means a lot.
@reservedVase8999
You've gone through a lot; it takes a lot to confess and it's admirable how much you are trying to keep the peace with everything you are going through, do have faith in your friends though. If they've supported you and you truly need someone who knows you to talk to, please do speak to them.
A lot of changes can happen after confessing to someone, it changes a lot especially if it was a friendship first. I don't know how long you were friends for, but I assume you two are young.
You did nothing wrong, it's natural that people can fall in love with people they've matched with after a while. And that feeling of wanting to be with that someone forever is also a natural feeling. But it's not always mutual.
I'm saying this because I want to assure that there is no right or wrong answer to what you did. You've made a choice and the person didn't feel the same but the two of you came to an agreement.
I think you may still have residual romantic feelings for the person who rejected you, and despite confessing you are worried about how your confession will change your relationship going forward.
And whether they no longer trust you, so you are walking around eggshells cause anything you do after confessing might lead her to distance herself from you.
I can't say much more, but to have faith in people. There are hundreds of variables we can't control but the main thing is that you keep some faith in your heart that the person you loved still cares about your relationship or not.
You're holding yourself together, and the fact you came here to share your feelings is a valuable step to take. I hope you are able to work out something to help you deal with your emotions.
Take care of yourself.
I will try to believe more in ppl, and trust my friends more. I've always taken long to open up to ppl, but I wanna try taking ur advice. Thank you for ur reply❤️
@reservedVase8999 We can't turn our feelings on and off, so you still feeling for this friend is inevitable. However, there comes a point where it's about respect.
It can be tough, but you've just got to respect her both in that she can make her own choices. You've been sat considering these feelings for a long time, but this is new to her and she might need a while to think too.
At the end of the day it's out of your hands. You've set your boundaries, still to those and wait.
A lot of being a friend is letting them make their own choices - even if they aren't ones we like.