New to this section
I am trying other “paths” and was led here. I have struggled with a multitude of issues throughout my life , just like a lot of others here. The most recent is my health deteriorating and basically my clock is winding down. Cancer is not a part of that at this point. Just a lifetime of abuse on my body has taken its toll. But that is not really needed info. I have accepted the facts of my fate.
I think I need to get to a point of self acceptance (what everyone calls love here) so I can be at peace with the complete journey, the good, the bad and the ugly.
I am trying to make it as right as it can be with myself so I can hopefully get affairs in order before my life control gets too bad. Iam a very negative person, though I believe I have made a lot of progress at least within this community.I am trying to be more supportive and understanding of everyone else here and remember that we all are struggling. I desire to accomplish a lot more but time is short and my struggles with the lack of feelings and emotions that I had have only recently started to disappear. Better late than never?? I have really delved into that emotional pool today and I am really at wits end right now but I need to continue. I am really scared of going to sleep and then waking up in worse condition. I mustn’t fail in this. I need to at least be at a point that I’m accepting of all things me, and I leave a minimal burden on those tasked with removing the possessions left behind. Hopefully I can also have all affairs in order when the end of the journey comes. I know this sounds selfish but that is what direction I am trying to go here.
Accepting the darkness was never the intent, however the futility of anything else has modified the reality to be faced