Not sure how this works - borderline personality advice

Just really need advice or anything... 
Worried I might be splitting on my partner, or my own attachment issues are causing me to spiral. 

I'm jealous that he's out and not texting me, even though consciously I know he isn't cheating. But like, his not texting makes me have near panic attacks and causes me to spiral with terrible paranoid thoughts. I NEVER tell him about my irrational thoughts, and never lash out at him.

I feel terrified he hates me, or that he wants to leave me, that I'm too much, too emotional, and it makes me hate him even though I know I don't, and it's just my brain freaking out. Then, at the same time, I blame myself and wonder if I'm a burden on him and deserve to be hurt. 

I just don't know how to stop myself from having these thoughts. It's gotten so bad that I had a panic attack that has made me ache in pain today. I love him, and I consciously can understand he isn't doing anything wrong, which is why I do not tell him. I just want to stop acting like this. I want to get better.