Quick rant

Hi Janus! Hugs, if ok. First of all, welcome to the community. Feel free to put out your thoughts here. Let this be a comfort place for you. *Offers you a warm blanket*❤️

I can relate to most of the things you have said. From being anxious around people to hating ourselves. I want to tell you that your mental health doesn't define the person you're. I know the world can be a cruel place but you know what? Don't be as cruel to yourself as they're to you. Self - love is a long term thing and I would be lying if I say I don't struggle with it even today. But, it's very important to understand the deep internal causes of it other than the ones that appear to be from the outside. So, if you feel comfortable and when you're in a calm state, take a pen and write down your thoughts. They can be anything.

What I try to do is that instead of writing huge achievements, I write small steps I take everyday. For instance, if I read one page of a book that I have been putting down for a very long time. I do this everyday and I read the list by the end of the month. I never thought it would work out but by the end of the year I've progress in front of me and when it's written in the bold letters, my mind starts to believe in it.

Tricking my mind, you see! ^-^

This is a long process and it may not give instant results. But we're already trying everything, right?

Self - care is very tough. We get habitual of treating ourselves a certain way and that becomes our comfort zone. It will make us cryz scream, questions ourselves but remember to not fall into the trap of your emotions controlling your actions completely. Your each step counts. And you know what we can count today?

That you took this brave step to share your thoughts here. So, yay to you! 💕

I totally understand the tiredness. We all feel tired of everything sometimes. And when our hearts are tired, it's even more tough to get out of it. But let's count this day as a success if what you did today was just breathe. Some days we just need to breathe and know that this too shall pass. 🌼🌻

A reminder once again : Your mental health doesn't define you. 🤍

And maybe, you haven't met the right version of you and right people around you. Be patient with yourself. You're doing your best at your worst. That's itself a huge thing.

Please take care of yourself. And you're not annoying! We're all here to listen to you.

Hello Janus,

Thank you for your post. I understand how you feel and can relate to a lot of what you're feeling. I don't have answers, I just wanted to wish you peace.

Feeling the same,

Moodie Foodie

Can’t say I know what exactly you going thru, but yeah I know that to some extent. Maybe worse in some other ways.

all I can say is that you got to be yourself no matter the rbf or any other thing that may affect others perception of you. If they can’t understand you and adapt to you then they don’t deserve to be your friend. You only gain genuine friendship when you are yourself completely. And if they aren’t your friend then so fkn what, not like your whole 50-60-80 years of your life is gonna be cut short. Screw them, move on, look to the next person walking by, who knows they may just be the person you are looking for.

@JanusPi Hi Janus. We all have stories about who we are. I thought I was introverted but now I don’t think of myself that way. I used to feel like I had little to say in conversation so it made others feel uncomfortable with my silence. I found out I do have something to say so I’m not as quiet as I used to be. My self worth came from what I thought the outside world must think of me. Now my self worth comes from inside.

You shared how you tried self love but then people beat you down. It sounds like you concluded that means it didn’t work. Self love takes time. I believe that sometimes our practice of self love can prevent us from being a target of those who might hurt us. Other times it has the effect of softening the blow when others hurt us. So I would encourage you to learn how to develop self compassion. 

YOU are the most important person in the world! How can I make this claim? Many people may argue looks or money or power or ability or belief or any number of attributes about you must be the criteria to measure your worth. But no one will agree on which attribute is most important. As individuals, in our own heads, we kind of unconsciously accept what we think the world must think of us. You can spend your whole life chasing after these attributes to become “ok” in the eyes of the world. The world will keep redefining those attributes too. So we end up chasing our tails if we don’t decide for ourselves. And YOU are stuck with you - with the limits of being a human. You are also a miracle - just in the sense that you were born into this universe - the DNA that traveled throughout the human lineage to make YOU. I don’t think it much matters if it was accident or some god that created you - you’re here. You didn’t choose to be here. But you are. And inside you is a universe of thoughts and feelings and they can be just as wondrous to explore as the universe we live in. You and I are here because of the universe. The molecules and atoms necessary to form life - we are star dust. And our DNA was carried by our thousands of great grandparents. They had some of the same thoughts and desires, the same fears and dreams that we have. Their lives eventually led to yours. You are an individual, but you exist in union with other human beings. You need us, and we need you. You are also in some ways all alone - with your thoughts and your feelings. The trick is to realize that your thoughts give rise to feelings. So the thoughts you feed yourself (or consume from real or imagined others) will influence your feelings. It’s important to you to learn how this works because you are stuck with you for life. It’s important to others that you learn these things so you can support them as well. But it is MOST important that you learn to be happy - that you learn self love first. Just like on an airplane, if the oxygen masks pop out you have to put it on yourself before putting it on the child next to you. When you learn self love, others will be attracted to you. You’ll both take care of each other. You don’t have to be perfect in any of this. Our imperfections are things we all share. When we learn to accept our imperfections as they are it’s one way of practicing self love. If we have small children we don’t scold them for being non-adults. We lovingly teach them things over many years and they eventually become adults. Not because being a child is bad and being an adult is good. In the same way, you can’t scold yourself for being anywhere but where you are in your developmental path. Your developmental path does not end - ever! Your path is uniquely yours. No one can travel it for you. But YOU are SO WORTHY of self love! To yourself you truly are the most important person in the world. It’s not a selfish thing, it just is a fact of being human. 

Sounds rough man, I believe you'll get through this and you should too, people say hurtful stuff when they don't mean to, it's good that you are pursuing higher education, I think you have better days ahead, you just need to find the right person or pursuit. Things are never easy, but you are young and you have the time for things to heal and get better. If you need somebody to talk to I am available as well as many other people here and in real life that would be happy to offer solutions or an ear. Have a good one and remember you have at least one person rooting for you.👍

@JanusPi 😞 I believe you are beautiful and I believe you are worthy of love and kindness, and believe you have a reason to be part of this world. It's not always easy for us to see when life brings us down so much. But good times are coming, you will feel better real soon. Please keep faith and hope. I tell you what, I know you don't like yourself right now, so I'm gonna love you for the both of us. Until you can learn to love yourself again ❤❤❤ gives you a giant festive tiny hug ❤squeezes you tightly ❤ it's all gonna be ok