SA

I was having a conversation with my sister about our upbringing and how our parents treated things and, in turn, how far we’ve come from where we started. I mentioned my previous SA from a boyfriend and how my mom (didn’t know) but encouraged me to stay with him because she viewed his poorer upbringing as a ‘charity case’ and he ‘needed our help.’ It is a part of my past and being able to mention the SA at least occasionally has helped me come to terms with what happened to me.

My sister apologized for how she had reacted then too when she didn’t realize what I was going through. I told her it was no need for apology because she didn’t know! And I was honestly oblivious to how bad that relationship was.

She ten tells me “I just felt like you need the apology because you keep bringing it up.” I can count on one hand the amount of times I’ve mentioned my SA to her. And at one point when I told her I have big fears surround certain behaviors because of the SA, she told me to just “get over them” because my current boyfriend would enjoy these things that I have a hard time performing.

I can clearly see she doesn’t understand it. Not in the same way that I do. But that doesn’t stop my mind from turning over and over again her poor reactions to this topic and how I almost regret telling her some of the details. I didn’t tell her to receive support or comfort, I just.. told her. And yet when I’m met with no support or comfort and am brushed off?? I don’t know why I bothered to talk with her about it of all people.