Some late thoughts.

Not a professional but sharing my experience and changes id like to see.

Honestly, i think its tiring to see the constant 'self-help' toxic positivity stuff. Heres what i like to say, lots of ppl are a mosiac, they have their own history, likes, needs etc. When you are fresh out of a abusice or toxic enviorment, or are still in it, you need a guide. Seriously. If you were never taught safety, trying to form it with urself will feel like trying to build a home by mimicing what u see on youtube. Thats not to say u cant get somewhere with atleast trying to do some help for urself, heck even reaching out is by all means techniqually helping urself becus instead of spiraling and the feeling only growing u get help from someone. But u need a guide, a therapist definitly, and u need a example of safety and a safe person. So definitly find a friend, a lover, a family figure that is safe, genuinly safe. Theres something that happens when ur safe and u have a history of trauma and most commonly ill say cptsd since thats my experience, but i believe it can happen to anyone whos been in prolonged trauma and stress, ur emotions unthaw. The anger, rage, sadness, depression, fear, anxiety unthaw. This is why its IMPORTANT, that the ppl who are meant to support u are not 'quick dip postivites' where they show u that support up until theyre too overwhlemned and dip without even processing or asking whats going on or considering. Becus once that happens, its gonna make it a bit harder to trust, wont it? Now a safe person with stable support and safety, who can manage that would probably slowly train u to trust safety again, they might not be perfect but depending on how they repair, they might prove to be safe. Consisten signs of safety with someone can slowly shift what ur nervous system knows abt safety and danger and the enviorment. HEres what ill say, theres 3 types of safeties in my view, inner safety : safety with urself, presence, emotions dont control you, relational safety: ur circle is emotionally + physically safe, understanging, loving caring all that wonderfulness, outer safety: ur enviorment is safe, ur able to be free and not try n shrink for someone or something, u understand where u are and u have a space that is physically safe and emotionally safe and expressive / personlized by you. Now i get ost of my info from @ melissaromano on instantgrams shes a somatic therapist , currently still achieving her masters in socail work i believe?? and she has had experience with these things and i have tried em out and, i must say they have been the backbone (i dislike this word but have to use it in terms of the importance) of my regulation and keeping me sane. What i have learned is no matter how much ppl want to deny, strive away, reject it, ur body IS primal, YES we evolved but out nervous system, still acts the way it acts becus it is primal. It does not care if u look weird it cares about keeping u alive no matter what it costs. But, ofcourse we can do things to make our lives less survival esc. Like grounding +oreinting to time and space, play even (engage in sum fun and safe), mindfulness (be aware of ur emotions + sensations), somatics too. Emotional support, we are socail beings and we need no matter how much this toxic 'self help' thing tries to say u dont need someone, u need ppl, u need to socailze in any form possible and hopefully to a much more desirable way. There is also basic needs, and i struggle with this aswell, sleep , food, physical activity, socailizing etc. Hygene all of that plays a very important role and i think should be looked at first, (eyeing the clock rn oops) Ive heard abt window of tolerancce and building capacity, well first u need stability. I beleive that if u are still in a abusive situation/toxic enviorment, it will make u 'primal' what im saying is u will reach a point where u act in anger, sadness, fear or how they call it reactive "abuse" (again not abuse just when a victim reaches a very low state but also starst defending themselves which defending is normal) and u will probably stay hypervigilent until u leave ur situation. Im not a expert but i have lived experience and im still in my situation so ill say, definitly need a safe person like a therapist, and definitly not one that enables the abuse, ive learned enabling can unfortunatly come from 'postive intent' which is like 'oh dont pay attention to them theyre jsut like that', 'just ignore them', 'dont stress'. These sound wonderful, however it does not last, that relief doesnt last cus u will try not to give attention and then u do and u get confused "whys it no working" well..becus it is a dangerous situation, and it is harming ur mental health dear. Someone who can guide u thru and out of the situation would be charming. and helpful, someone who can give u emotional support, resources, comfort, even protection if they can ,would be phenomenal. finding someone like that or atleast similar would be great. then once u get the chance , leaving the situation. and ive heard you can heal around it, so not during the abusive moment, but around it when u do have that time and space, try building atleast a small relationship with urself, i have tried the self help i have, and its not rlly that structal like ppl say it is espc if ur in these situations. However outside the abusive moments, slowly starting to build safety, like the methods i listed above can build a anchor in you that will give u some resilience in those harsh moments so that it becomes harder for u to loose urself to tht moment. Self-soothing helps aswell. Self validating even too. Now, i wish ppl can understand this. Reassurance is needed. It builds someone, im not sure by the bad rep it gets, but i feel like if someone in this situation came up to u and asked "am i worthy" i think they genuinly want to hear someone comfort them and help them out and rebuild something that was tainted. Reassurance is needed espc with cptsd and trauma and stuff like this cus u get brainwashed by these toxic ppl and moments and then u start thinking ur the lowest being on earth, pls love like a human. Reassurance, atp its like encouragement is what i mean. I wish ppl werent that icky abt it cus it helps, and it has helped me, comfort aswell, communtiy, heck be a human. Show ppl love and care. Be a good neighbor, be a good citizen, be a good person, be a good anybody. Alright, i need to go now becus its very late but i had some thoughts i needed to share and get off my chest. 🍀