Struggling dad
Hey everyone! Just joined here so I’d thought I’d share what I am struggling with. Me and my wife have had our ups and downs throughout our relationship and we have overcome huge obstacles and have really committed to creating a strong relationship with each other with great success. The main down was me not being comforting enough and sympathetic to her feelings and she became hurt. She moved away with our daughter for a week but came back and I worked to show her everyday and change my behavior. We found our old spark! Along the way I focused all my energy on fixing our relationship that I let my relationship with my daughter slide. My wife told me that our daughter(11) expressed to her that she feels I don’t love her and am always too hard on her and doesn’t want to live here anymore. She is not biologically mine but I have raised her since she was 5 and in my eyes and everyone else’s that’s my little girl. I’ll be the first to say that I am very strict with her and there is always consequences for her actions. I know I need to do better at understanding her feelings more and forgiving instead of just making her do chores and grounding which has ultimately drove a wedge between us. My wife as any mother would I guess took her and left again so that I could work on being a better dad. I’ve already done it once for my wife and I want the chance to show my daughter but it’s so hard when there not here. Actions speak louder then words. I play games on the phone with my daughter and talk to her and FaceTime and all of it so I’m stuck as to what to do. Part of me feels like she won’t want to come back because this is like a “vacation” for her that she doesn’t want to end. It’s hard talking to my wife because she just says that she is having to juggle my feelings and our daughters and our feelings towards each other and it’s wearing her down. Anyway, just thought I’d share
@strugglingdad2007 women hey! Never pleased🙂 personally I think you sound like a great husband and father ❤ your clearly trying your best, which is more than alot of people would do ❤ my only advice is, times have changed since you were her age, the world is much different now. So has she is becoming a bit older loosen the reins just a little bit ❤ and most importantly trust between you both is a must, even if she breaks it 300 times! Gives you a giant tiny hug ❤ your a good man, good luck with everything ❤❤
@strugglingdad2007
While a break is often taken by many .. in the end you can not show action over phone .
We can all get along trying to smooth things over but when they come back the day to day will show up sooner or later and the day to day comes back. it is a circle... that will repeat unless you try new things and not have wife and child leave and expects change.
Hey, first of all, I see you. You’re not just sitting back and making excuses, you’re actually trying. That alone shows the kind of man you are.
I get it. You worked so hard to fix your marriage that your relationship with your daughter slipped, and now it feels like you’re losing her. But listen, she’s not gone. This isn’t over. She’s just waiting for you to show her that she matters to you beyond rules and consequences.
She’s 11. She doesn’t fully understand the depth of your love yet, especially if most of your interactions are about discipline. And yeah, kids love what feels easy, so right now, being away might seem like a "vacation" to her. But don’t let that fool you. She still needs you. She still wants you. She’s just waiting for the version of you that makes her feel safe, loved, and understood.
So what do you do? Drop the guilt and start being the dad she needs now. Keep showing up for those calls, play games with her, talk to her like she’s your little girl, not just someone who needs to follow rules. Let her know she matters for who she is, not just what she does. And when she comes back, make home a place she wants to be, not just a place where she’s told what to do.
This isn’t about being perfect, it’s about being present. And if you could fix your marriage, you can damn sure fix this too.
