Struggling with mental health, drug addiction meth, historical sexual abuse, and grief/lose of parent

Triggering warning: drug use, abuse, death of loved one

What brought me to this site is I was searching for 24/7 help while I wait for the local office to call me with an appointment date a time. I made a follow up call last week to see where I was at on that wait list as I’m desperately needing it. My drug usage has become a daily habit just about and it’s not just a $50 to $100 it’s more than 2-3 hundred a day sometimes more. More than I can afford. I started using meth 9 years ago as was introduced to it by a friend as I was only smoking weed a that’s all I knew till then. I smoke weed on a daily basis also and have been since I was 12-13 years old. I’ve been sexually abused half my life an all started when I was 5-6 years and by a family member too. I’ve had 11 different people abuse me and 5 being family. Technically 4 as no longer family. So far I’ve only managed to come forward about one family member so far and that was only last year. I’ve started therapy with a psychologist and she is she caring it will be my 6-7 visit this week as suffer from a lot of childhood trauma from the abuse and the last time I was touched in a way shouldn’t have but I was cohered into doing what she wanted I was 16 also weed an alcohol an I remember games being involved. I’ve only just told my therapist about that as nobody else knows an only yesterday opened up an texted the detective in charge of my case about the other family but also stated I am very scared and I do not know what to do. As I know what the right thing to do is but I do know what to do. It was very hard just to come forward about the first uncle. I also lost my mum in November 2020 but I not only lost her I was the one that found her. I checked on her just before 2am Thursday morning am I went to bed myself I woke at 7:23am. I went and stood at the end where her she was and I watched her stomach for sign of breathing I couldn’t see movement so I approached her as I approached her I touched her shoulder as she looked like was sleeping on her side an I gave a little shake with words “mum” but no response so I shook little harder but did not move much as she was cool to the touch but still had colour only thing was I noticed something wrong and instantly told me something was not right an I grabbed the phone an called 000 by 7:24am. I was on the phone 7minutes an 1 second before ambulance arrives. So suffering from seeing that as that’s the thing I wanted to ever experience.