The day I lived.
Hi,
It's me not the most exciting thing you can hear but hey, im a human believe it or not. I have a heart and soul just like you. My heart pumps blood. Just like yours. My heart beats just like yours does. Honestly, sometimes it makes me feel alive. I have a mind and I have feelings and thoughts that build up and like a library they build up and I stack them up. The time my mother held me in her arms and I woke up being held by no one but myself. Try to stand straight but end up bending down. breathe the same oxygen even though it's hard to tolerate the fact that I breathe in oxygen or wheather it's all just a waste. I try not to take up too much space because I know someone like me is hard to deal with. Yet selflessness cripples inside of me like paper. Everyone talks about positivity and societies new trends. Stop telling me to be who everyone else is. Stop telling me about how to be perfect and how to look and how to feel. And how to be positive and to think the same way you do. Stop telling that girl who could have been innocent and brave that she is someone she isn't. Because that girl looks in the mirror and the reflection was replaced with a monster. The crowd you follow is often the crowd you don't belong in because you don't want to stand out in the empty field. You try to blend in with everyone else so you don't have to stand out otherwise everyone will tell you that your different and your abnormal and your stupid. And maybe a coward and a looser too. That crowd has crumbled me. And maybe my body does the same things as you, like pump blood and think of thoughts and feel feelings, I will never be the same as you. Maybe imperfection is beautiful. Maybe the way we crumble is beautiful. There is ways the world could get me that you might not think about. I am not stuck in self pity because I don't believe in self pity. Because I am human. And I'm not sad about myself. Im just being and breathing like a human. I am no genius, i am not great. Maybe the monster you see today, is the angel that isn't here tommorow. Maybe I won't wake up tommorow. No one knows about tommorow. Because the day I lived is the day I learnt.
@amiableBunny4016 Hey :) Me again *sits with you* What would you say if I told you I like you the way you are? You're authentic and real. I mean I'm just some stranger on a website so my opinion kind of doesn't count for much. But nobody's perfect and too much positivity can make you gag especially when it's hard to believe in the first place
@mytwistedsoul
First of all I would put this in all caps but I won't *you are not invading my space. I love having you in every single forum and your always such a lovely supportive human so never apologise for that* xD 💕
Yeah no it makes sense. It's hard to get through things. First I had shame and guilt. Then I felt despair. Then I felt what people call 'self pity'. Then I had questions. And then I felt anger. Now I'm at peace knowing I will .. be gone from here one day.
Yk Soul, it's a strange world. Everyone seems to .. see us through a different lens . Yet it all gets mixed in our head. If you see yourself as a monster I would only say this and nothing else:
The monster you see in the mirror, well whoever that monster you see is, it has a really kind and loving soul. You see? Monsters aren't scary after all. Some of the monsters I've seen in the world, their innocence was stolen, they have been broken so much. But you know? They are so kind and caring and lovely just like you. Most monsters are beautiful people. I mean.. you might not feel it. But so many people right now could be thinking about you. Right now. At this moment. The fact that your here is almost a miracle. And I know you can relate to me because we might have seen or felt similar experiences. But I can't be for sure. I haven't seen your past. I haven't seen what you have seen. But today, the monster you see is the angel that so many people feel and care about. . You know, even replying to my threads, and your kindness to other people is just amazing. Sometimes its hard to believe in the person you see in the mirror. But one day, just one day.. I hope you see the beauty and love inside that innocent person inside of you.
Oof. Well you see.. I don't use my own advice... But yeah.. you see I'm just a dreadful person who just sits here. But thank you so much for everything soul. You have been there for so many people including me. 💕 I hope Ur doing okay.
@amiableBunny4016 Thank you for not putting it in caps lol. My insecurities are kind of like that game Wack a mole - they pop up unexpectedly here and there and I have to smack them down with a stick
@mytwistedsoul
And you put it into beautiful words all together ❤️ *hugs if okay* I hope you see how amazing and special you are too!
@amiableBunny4016 Hello, I will not say that I know how you feel, because I don't. How could I ever be in your shoes? How could I ever feel what you feel? See what you see? I can't, because I am me, and you are you. We are different, and thats okay. I will say that I have felt very similarly in the past. I used to look around and think 'what are these cruel things that I share a heart with, share humanity with? How can we stand in the same room but see different things? And how can you ridicule me for having a different vision?'. Sometimes I still do. I used to be afraid to stand out, I would try desperately to fit in with what everyone else was. I have long since given up on that. I was always plagued with a feeling of being watched, scrutinised, judged. So I gave them a reason to watch and scrutinise and judge. I became loud, I took up space, I voiced my opinions and (in time) learnt to let others do the same, even if they were different opinions. Because although we are all the same, we all have blood, and hearts, and brains so full they can feel like they're overflowing, we have so many differences amongst us. And that's okay.
@Reesenotgeese
My friend you put tears in my eyes. This is beautiful. Thank you for this reply . I will definetly read this when I feel this way 😝 it's like the first time someone understands me. 💕 I can't put into words how much this means to me. Also yeah I'm 14 years old. Thank you again for this. I don't really know how to put things into words right now. Idek what to say to be honest. This hit quiet hard at one point.
@amiableBunny4016 I’m so glad that I could help you, I have felt that way for years, but trust me when I say that the world outside of high school is so much bigger and kinder than you would expect. And it is so, so worth it to stick around and see it for yourself. Not everyone in adult life is kind, but majority are. I have worked at 3 places since I graduated, with all different staff teams, each of about 20 people, and I would say that in the 60+ people I’ve worked with, only about 3 or 4 of those people have been insufferable. That’s life, but the good ones? Oh wow, you are going to meet some of the kindest, smartest, most understanding people, and it’s going to be wonderful. You just have to stick around and give them a chance.
@Reesenotgeese
Thank you so so much 😮 all the same goes to you my friend. ❤️ It's lovely meeting you. You sound like a really kind and caring person and I appreciate you so so much! You really put a smile on my face! 😁 I'm so lucky to meet people like you!
@amiableBunny4016 I’m so glad I could help 😊
I don't know what I can write after hearing all this @amiablebunny4016...what you have shared is so well and painfully written and relatable (though of course I have not been in your shoes and won't pretend to-but I have lived as well)
I don't know what to say after everyone else has shared so beautifully and caring....it's all been said better than I can.
But you're not alone. I care and we all care on here. Thank you for trusting us with your feelings and sharing them. As a stranger on the internet I can't convey this enough, but you are a human, you are real, and I'm happy you are here with us.
14 is too young to go through so much (and that's just your current age-there is probably so much before that😢)
I remember being 14 in a cold cruel world where nothing made sense, I made no sense, all there was was getting though each moment of pain and life was just too much.
I'm 31 today and remember and often I still feel like that. Like the things you wrote. Thank you for writing it out and helping me too- I'm feeling understood and not alone.
Don't know how much sense I'm making and hope I'm not sounding too self absorbed...hang tight @amiablebunny. Keep coming on here. And keep being you💕
@ComfortableSmiles97
Heyyy this Is so lovely! Thank you so so much for posting on here ❤️😮 this is so caring of you! Haha, can I be honest? Wheather we are 14 or 40 I'm never too young or old. I'm just sitting this mental hospital waiting for my abusive parents to come back to me one day. ❤️ It's all gooddddd 😎 I'm just finding peace. First I had complaints. Then I was full of anger. Now I'm at peace. So I'm fineee for as long as I'm alive. Thank you again for your beautiful message! ❤️
I feel dizzy but every time I close my eyes I see my abusive parents ,😭 my eyes and my brain hurt like ***. And my nurse takes millions of years finding meds.
@amiableBunny4016
honeybunches, you have such a way with words it's beautiful. This is so relatable and real yk? im very proud of you, ilysm. I know that life and society ain't easy but man you've made it thus far and I'm proud. You are beautiful just the way you are. You're not a monster, society is the monster. And while we may not know what the future holds, i can promise you that I'm always here for you ❤
@Nomifordays
Heyyyy Naomiiiiii 💕 so happy to see you! Thank you so much bestieee ❤️ you is amazing and I love chatting with you all the timeeeeeee . This means so so so so much to meeeee 💕 ilysm tooooooo. Remember we get through this together and this is so sweet and caring of youuuuuuuu! 💕*Hugs and cookies if okay* 🤗
@amiableBunny4016
Hey!!! i absolutely love the way you writeee, i love writing asw and i think your writing is jus soooo..... attractivee? i dont have the word lmaooo.
Anyways, i think everyone is perfect in their own way, and i bet everyone who's read what you've written would've seen your perfection.
Maybe this is cliche but diamonds are formed under great pressure and the pressure youve been put through has polished you so impeccably well that even your words sparkle. And maybe you see yourself as a monster, but there are people who are literally blinded by ur shine.
Besides, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so i want you to find people who appreciate your type of beauty, unlike those other uncultured dimwits who want you to be a different type of perfect.
Anywaysssssss, i hope you understood even a little bit of what i wrote cus i suck at explaining things like this lol, so have a great day and a great life okayyyy.
ciaoooooo
@awesomePiano6000
Heylooo, thank you so much 🤗💕this is really kind and sweet of you. And I love the examples you gave! This means so so much to me and I appreciate you for this! 💕
@amiableBunny4016
de riennn bunnyyyyy, you can thank me by putting on a pleasant smile okayyyy :D
@awesomePiano6000
Aww! Your so kind! *Smiles* ❤️
@amiableBunny4016 my god, thank you... I really needed to hear this... I have so much trouble fitting in.. you reminded me that that's okay... thank you...
@Datnpc
Awww I'm glad! Really proud of you too! 💕 Always here for you and thank you so much!
@amiableBunny4016 Hey, loads of hugs to you my dear friend . By reading this, I am really proud of you. We are with you and we love you for the precious person you truly are! You are precious you know🥰 and imperfections although the hardest insecurities to deal with, makes one unique and special. It's okay to not feel okay, it's okay to feel alone while hanging out with enthusiastic smiling faces, it's okay to be uncertain about life, coz u are acceptable the way u are! Thanks for penning down this beautiful yet a sad truth of life. I wish I can make things better for u. Warm hug to u my friend. U aren't alone🥰