The expectation of getting hurt

Reciently I've been acting a bit off and I thought to myself why am I acting this way I wouldnt have one concert example to give them to why I am acting this way

I would have historic examples 

but nothing supper recent 

so then I asked myself, why am I acting this way 

I think its becouse I'm predicting geting hurt and protecting myself before it happens

Historicly the people I am 'ackting weird' around have hurt me and I think whenever im around them I predict its going to happen 

But is it fair that i act this way, even before they have the chance to hurt me?

I dont know, I somethimes think its not fair to them that I act this way esspesialy becouse they dont know exactly why im pulling back

so the natural reaction is then to say have a conversation with them

I have and they A. coninue to hurt B. expressed they are over having simmler conversations and C. used what I told them to hurt me

So im not keen to having another set of conversations

I also dont think its fair for me to constatly put myself in situations where I can get hurt just becouse I dont think they diseve me pulling back or acting weird

How am I 'acting weird'

Im pulling back, not going to places with them, I'm not bending myself backwords for them and overall taking myself out of there equation - Im being more distent

I definitly think they see my shift in my behvior but I dont think they undertand why and a part of me wants to explain but a larger part thinks they dont want to have that type of convo again and if they did they would ask 

Anyways after writing all of this I think how am acting is the best way I know how to react and im doing the best I can with the tools I have and the experiances I've gone through

I just have to be mindfull and make sure this doesnt harden my heart, that although my hurt I dont hold hate twards them and that I dont hold and ill for them